Could someone come over and change records for me?

I injured myself.
I was helping my wife with her straw bale gardening project. I don't think the people who wrote the book on straw bale gardening really envisioned 110lb straw bales packed so tight you can't get your fingers under the strings and made with a centerfeed baler so there is no "cut" side.
We put a row of bales on edge and I was using the chainsaw to cut a "v" in the tops (actually the side but they are on edge) of the bales to put the dirt into. I think I need a skip tooth chain. It is not a easy as you think when you are sitting in your chair drinking coffee and talking about doing it.
Anyway, I felt a sharp pain in my side and kind of ignored it as I just wanted to get the project done. A few minutes later I discovered I couldn't quite straighten up.
After I put the chainsaw down and straightened up I discovered i could no longer lift the chainsaw. Heck, I couldn't even lift my coffee cup!
This was a bit of a problem as I have a planting job and I still needed to get the grain drill ready to go.
I got my wife to help me hook up the drill as I couldn't push in the quick connect hoses or even lift the bundle of hoses to begin with. Amazingly enough, we got the hoses hooked up correctly even though the little zip ties that I put on them to mark which hose went to which remote fell off over the winter.
I tried out the hydraulic power fertilizer pump and it worked! I turned on the seed monitor and all the rows checked out ok. The little TV camera that shows if the drill is full or empty actually worked!
I still need to remove two thirds no-till openers as I'm planting on 22.5" spacing. Need to shut off the unused fertilizer tubes, need to calibrate drill for tillage radish, need to unhook unused seed sensors and figure out if I have to reprogram the monitor. Need to grease the drill, fix a broken hub on one marker. Make sure the foamer works in case it is too wet to use the markers and the hillside is too steep for the GPS to read accurately, hook up the GPS so I will have glowing lights to watch while planting. Need to check the oil level in the front hubs of the 2-155, need to clean out my cab, need to look at the field. Actually I need to look at the field first as I want to plant some oats at home before I move 10 miles down Highway 18.
My wife declared that I was to sit down in my chair. She took away my laptop and phone and my little notebook that I am drawing pictures of the stereo stand I will never build. She brought me an icepack and Advil. She refused to turn on the Legendary Stardust Cowboy...
Later she relented on the laptop, phone, and notebook. But, not on the Stardust Cowboy, I don't know why.
I think it is because someone has to turn the records over for me. And my stereo has no remote.
Later today I have to attend a funeral.
I have been applying ice, now we are applying heat. If I didn't have the funeral to attend and 70 acres of radish to plant and 40 acres of oats and the sun wasn't out I would apply some Old #7 and take an afternoon nap.
At this point, I have discovered that for some reason I don't seem to be able to stand up. Well, at least not very well. Once I get up and moving then I am better. The last time this happened I had to crawl until I loosened up enough to stand up. It was most inconvenient.
I hate getting old...
At least if I am crying at the funeral people will think I care..