The Useful Duck!

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Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Observations on clueless people and never ending straw fields...

There was a time I though people hired me because I do good work. Now I realize that it is because I am the only one left who has a stacker.
I didn't mind the rough field I stacked for the neighbor girl. She was embarrassed it was swathed across the rough spots and thanked me repeatedly.
Around dark I went to stack for the other neighbor, long bales, and an odd stack pattern that would come apart when I hit the center-pivot ruts. Center-pivot ruts in tall wheat straw in the dark. I quit.
Then I got a call from the guy who is supposed to do my hauling but hasn't yet. He wants me to stack a steep hillside that I have actually refused to stack in the past.
I'm thinking about taking the money I was supposed to spend on baler twine and diesel fuel and buy a semi-truck. Do my own @#$%^& hauling.
Which brings me to a couple news stories.
This guy doesn't realize he is a moron. He thinks he is clever and ironic and doesn't realize only pretentious marooons make their own wallets out of duct-tape. The chick doesn't have a boyfriend, she just told him that after a one-night stand because he got all weird and clingy and would go home.
So he tapes a note on the underside of the toilet seat? Too funny.
This girl got fired for writing "truth" her job in her blog. She was a bit disillusioned because she thought TV news people actually did news reporting.
The funny thing is that she never figured out she was not hired for her reporting skills...
Who you think you are is not always who other people think you are...

Monday, July 29, 2013

News-Register wins awards but doesn't report on three combine fires and a hay press that is still burning (smoking)

Of course now you can't read the "premium" stories because they want you to pay. We are on again off again subscribers but I don't even bother putting someone else's password in to read the "in-depth reporting."
I was attempting to find out about several local fires and broke down and went to the NR website. They have a "breaking story" about a fire that has been out for several days. No mention of the large hay press that is still emitting smoke from the wreckage. I know there have been several combine fires in the last week. Sounds like a dangerous fire season ahead.
I will admit to reading the stories under google cached documents. This feels like I'm stealing and I like it. Makes the reporting seem more "in-depth." Sort of like stolen watermellon tasting sweeter.
News-Resistor wins awards-whoop! whoop!
If you actually want to know what is going on around you, the have to have the right network of friends on facebook.
I find it hilarious that the News-Register wins awards. Perhaps it is because there are only five local newspapers left in the USA.
I do enjoy Karl K's features on local people and locations and think he should win an award and I like Rose's column. I suppose I should not fault the NR on local news coverage. The problem is after years of being misquoted by that idiot that used to be the sports reporter nobody wants to talk.
Have a nice day...

--- Update, the hay press did not burn up. Only a very large straw stack outside was on fire. We would all have known that if there was any news coverage in the area. A cloud of smoke that could be seen for 20 miles?

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Things that happen on the farm when you have kids of a certain age

I was baling hay the other day when I chanced upon a three-wheeler tire at the edge of the field. I was wondering what was up with that and I nearly missed the key to the whole crime scene.
Look closely at this photo. Can you reconstruct that happened?

That three-wheeler is pretty far into the blackberry vines. I have not seen any boys running around with broken arms or scratches so I assume it was not that serious.

Now here is the issue.
I've been to many safety meetings where the dangers of kids on a farm have been explained in great detail. There are terrible accidents that have happened. I am not downplaying that issue.
However, it seems that everyone has to learn the hard way.
The kids have been told to wear helmets and not drive around with a loose wheel but until someone gets hurt will they really listen?
You don't know the power of a firecracker until you nearly loose a finger. You can tell a kid to never lean over a irrigation valve opener when opening it or closing it, or to never stand in front of an irrigation pipe when you just turned the pump on, until the valve opener handle goes shooting past your head or you see a 40ft six inch pipe go flying 100 foot across a field.
The problem is, when that first accident is your last...
A Monday update for my loyal readers...

Saturday, July 27, 2013

I am not a mechanic

This all started when I was looking at balers last winter. I was trying to make a decision on if I should get more acres to bale and buy a second three tie baler and quit renting a two-tie baler or concentrate on what I have and buy my own two-tie.
I should have been applying for janitorial jobs.
Anyway, I looked at a baler at the local dealer. It was really a really good deal. I talked to the original owner. It sounded okay but it had a lot of hours on it. But, something about it just didn't look right to me.
Plus the previous owner had robbed off the steps you have to climb to get access to the knotters and the auto-luber.
After thinking about it I decided it was pretty stupid to buy a baler with more hours than my own and that I did NOT want to rebuild a knotter before baling season.
But what happened was a friend ended up buying it. He asked me for advice on it and I told him he needed to negotiate a service call if he bought it. I didn't have any specific complaints. Everything seemed ok. Had a lot of wear on it.
He called me to help him get started baling.
He tried it himself and the plunger and the stationary knife connected after three bales.
The dealer repaired it and yesterday he was ready to try it again.
I spent four hours riding around on the back of the baler trying to get it to tie yesterday. It wasn't just one thing wrong. I would adjust one thing and something else would go wrong.
I finally told them it was kind of the luck of the draw on a used baler. Sometimes they are hard to get to tie.
However, once the knotters loosened up from setting outside all winter (or two) I could see they were really loose. It really needs a complete knotter rebuild. Worn out knotters are really touchy to get working.
I'm not good at ironing out the small details. I start getting worried about all the other stuff I have to do and I end up with anger management problems.
Plus I had to deliver four blocks of straw for the local tractor pull. You can't mess with the tractor pull.
I am still frustrated.
I've been baling for most of my life. I should have been able to get that #$%^&*( baler to tie.
On the other hand, I am so glad I did not buy that baler.
I may go help him bale today. If I would just show up with a baler and rake we could go through his 100 acres in two days. Of course I have my own 100 acres to do so we shall see.

Thursday, July 25, 2013

I hate alfalfa

I'm sure you are all waiting for more no-till corn pictures. It is not growing as well as I think it should and I have no photos.
Just finished baling 8 acres of alfalfa.
Not a large amount but a pain in the bottom just the same. Had to wait till after dark for the moisture to come up. Otherwise it was knocking the leaves off. 95 degrees during the day and the stuff still won't dry. Could be the rain-like dew at night.
I bought a really nice used baler to make small bales for horse ladies.
It works really well. The bales are 14" x 18" x 46" long. I can pick them up with the automatic balewagon and make a nice stack you can load on a truck. 72 to 80 bales in a block depending on the stacking pattern I use.
Here is a photo of the new baler.

Friday, July 19, 2013

My final statement on the recent news events-like anyone cares...

I was going to post about corn but the first headline that I saw upon opening my browser and looking at the news feed was to the effect that anyone's child who likes skittles and hoodies could be shot at anytime for no reason... Click Here to find out what Kelly thinks...
It it that people are just stupid?
Is it that people can go through life never knowing how things really work?
We live in two worlds. What everyone wants to believe is real and what actually happens. In the 21st century reality seems to be only what you say it is.
I guess it all boils down to people believing what they really want to believe.
I've been busy.
A lot of driving around in circles in a stacker with no radio.
So the other day when I figured what really happened in the TM incident I had no one to tell. I was going to call MuddyValley but I figured he really didn't want to hear me rant.
One of the very important things to learn in life is when to cut and run.
I never learned that, but that is another story.
So here's the deal.
TM heads to the store cause he has the munchies. We don't need to comment about the time of day or what he was wearing cause random stuff happens. There is always an exception.
On the way home he attracts the attention of the amateur neighborhood watch captain.
TM does not know that here have been problems in the neighborhood caused by kids who look like him.
TM is talking to a girl on the phone and thinks he is king of the world. After all he is 17 years old.
He decides to teach the "Creepy-arsed white Cracker a lesson."
I'm not so sure I really blame him that much, I understand his point of view. I don't like people who want to be cops.
So he punches Z in the face and knocks him down.
I'm still ok with him at this point.
Now what he should have done was run. There is a point where you have to decide when to quit. Jumping on the guy and beating his head against the pavement puts you into a whole different situation. It becomes life and death.
If he wanted to prove his point then a good kick to the ribs or the balls would have left Z writhing in pain and not thinking about his gun.
Then TM should have ran like bloody-heck.
But, no... he had to get out some anger.
So is there anyone using this incident as a teaching moment.
"Son, when you punch a creepywhiteassedcracker, knock him down and get the heck out of there, you know the cops will beat the crap out of you, there ain't no point in getting in one more punch when you might get your arse shot off"
I suspect not...
By the way, I did not know that creepyassedwhitecracker is NOT a racial slur. However, many creepyassedwhiteliberals think not...
You know most of those people at Jonestown drank the "Kool-Aid" on their own...

Monday, July 15, 2013

No justice no peas...

We are seeing the perfect illustration of the term, "undeniable virtue of the oppressed." It will be an awesome teaching moment for the children.
You can dress like a gangster, beat the crap out of someone, get yourself shot, and become a cultural icon- if you fit the current definition of an oppressed class.
You certainly would not want to use the moment to caution your kids about wandering about late at night dressed like a stereotypical potential criminal.
You certainly would not teach your children to actually read about a news event before running out in the street to protest.
I've told my daughter time and time again, just put your glasses on,  kick the mean boy in the knee, start crying and say, "he hit me." Nobody will argue with a cute little girl with glasses on.
"Support Whirled Peas," is my slogan.
If makes about as much sense as the blather I've been hearing about racism.
Wonder if the Justice Dept is still helping to organize the rallies?
I'm more annoyed by real racial profiling stories of which there are many on the internet which I did not take the time to link to. Non-criminal looking people of color do get picked on unjustly. Just not in this case.
Why are all the people with the "Question Authority" bumper stickers such utter tools?

Friday, July 12, 2013


In honor of yesterday's rambling post which has somehow got me thinking about girls baling hay.

And how to shift like a real trucker

Thursday, July 11, 2013

If I continue to swear, this is where i will spend eternity...

In an endless field on an endless hill on an endless summer day with a constant temperature of 87 degrees a New Holland 1085 stacker with busted springs in the seat, an airconditioner that dumps water on your head on sidehills, lots of side hills, a malfunctioning hydraulic valve, no radio, constant text messages...
Strangely enough, many people would think of this photo as showing natural beauty of the rural landscape. Of course there are people who blow themselves up for the promise of 72 virgins. I want peace and quiet through out my eternity. If I got stuck forever with 72 virgins I'd want to blow myself up.... Although I do like the giggles, and the pillow fights, and I have been known to have had barbie tea parties, and ooooh snuggles!
I mean if they were your virgins to do whatever you wanted with them... We could have a baseball league-(well slow pitch softball.) Oh, powder puff football, in chocolate pudding! I'm sure one of them would know how to play the fiddle. We could play charades, run around in the dark with glow sticks, have tickle fights...
Kind of like my own continual Benny Hill show for all eternity... Hmm...
I suppose what ever it will be, I will adapt...
I'm sure you all read my blog for photos of no-till corn and not stream of consciousness ramblings from a lazy farmer.
I really need to get a radio in the stacker...

Monday, July 8, 2013

A flower

Or two flowers, or three flowers...
I have nothing to say.
A week of stacking hay bales awaits me...
I have to make pig feed...
The A/C doesn't work on that tractor I bought from Smith and Smith. This fully completes my opposite universe understanding of Northwest Missouri.
Instead of lying to me about the tractor, he merely lives in an opposite universe. This theory makes complete sense to me now that EVERY single positive feature of the tractor has turned into a negative issue. Meaning he said the A/C worked the last time they used it...
So it was just opposite day and if I would have understood that I would have had a much better negotiating position.
I just assumed that since my relatives are from Mo and they are completely and at times painfully honest, thus everyone else is.
Northwest Mo is from the wrong side of the Mason-Dixon line...
Here are some flowers...

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Slow moving traffic

So I was sitting in the stacker at a rural intersection in the middle of nowhere late last night and I see a car coming. I really wanted to pull out in front of him but I thought it would be rude. The head lights are pretty bright.
I kept sitting there.
And sitting there...
I thought, "man that guy is going slow."
I decided to pour some coffee out of my every present thermos.
Contrary to old farmer tradition it was not Crown Roy-al coffee. It was just your standard coffee hand roasted by MuddyValley.
And that is when I saw the putt-putt car was a vintage Mercedes...
Speaking of MuddyValley...
He is getting to be kind of an old plugger, shouldn't he be in bed at 11 p.m.?
Won't that old Mercedes go faster that 25 mph?
Made me thing of this song...
And here is a song for Collieguy which has to do with spin cycles.

Note: My wife suggested I comment about Scooter Boy bringing his post hole auger over and drilling the water line to the sister-in-laws garden but it is a little painful and I have to go to work...

Friday, July 5, 2013

Happy Independence day!

I was sitting on the porch half asleep, taking a break from stacking yesterday, why my neighbor came by trying to enlist my help in moving some farm equipment.
Upon hearing of the number of bales I still had to pick up and realizing he was next on my list he decided he didn't actually need my help.
But, he did note that Yamhill County has put their trucker harassment officer back on the job. I guess one of his hay trucks got stopped and she inspected the straps holding the load. I'm quite happy to know the general public is much safer now.
If only you could just bribe the local official to leave you alone like you do in other THIRD world countries.
It got me thinking of Independence day.
Then I saw this video on the news.
The guy was taping police officers and they shot his dog. 
You shoot a police dog and you go to jail.
Look at the headline, Perhaps there is some justice in the world. Of course it is pretty ironic that people can be shot when cops get the wrong address and you hear nothing but a stupid Rottweiler gets shot and the public is up in arms.
The spin cycle should start soon.
In honor of Independence day, I think we should all take a moment and think how our government has protected those cherished freedoms that our forefathers fought and died for.
Perhaps envision John Hancock's signature and wonder how times have changed, or if they have changed at all.

Now this is just plain funny, in a horrible sick sort of way... I think perhaps some different training is in order...

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Corn Pictures for the corn curious

I thought people only read blogs to see complaints and boring trivial details of uneventful lives. And photos of Elk being abducted by aliens while a strange yellow orb appears from their nose.
But, the people have spoken and here is the post I've been saving.
There are few details due to the fact that I picked up bales rather late last night and overslept and have to go pick up more bales for more farmers and I suppose next you will want to see pictures of hay bales.
This is why we decided to stop working the ground and start no-tilling it. If you notice the black object with two handles and a gauge on top? It is a compaction meter. It has another three feet of stainless steel probe attached to it. It sunk to the handles with virtually no effort on my part.  Two years of annual ryegrass seems to have broken up the hard pan? Either that or it is mud a foot below the surface.

This is what it looks like after it is planted. Note the grass on the right side and foreground of the photo. It appears dead, but it reappears in later photos. (5/19/2013)

Here it is coming up a few days later. (6/1/2013)

Here it is again... (6/19/2013) Note that the grass is starting to come back. See right side of photo below.
Here it is again. (6/28/2013)
That stinking grass won't die!!!
So far we have not had to irrigate. Think it is starting to stress a little with 95 degree temps. Probably getting water today or tomorrow. Have not heard what terrible crisis most likely happened yesterday at home. I was off stacking.
And now I'm going to work. Enjoy your corn pone prone porn corn something...

Monday, July 1, 2013

The Problem with Sunday is that it is followed by Monday

This nice girl came and sang at our church. She likes old-time music. She was good.
I did not forget to get my wife from the airport.
However, I did forget to eat half the food she prepared for me and instead appealed to the good nature of other people's wives to provide me with cookies and pies.
It is now 6 a.m. and I'm sure my brother is somewhere working.
I have to find a New Holland dealership which has a fanbelt for a NH 1085 stacker. But I have to wait till 8 a.m.
It is going to be a lot of fun to install a fan belt in 90 degree weather. At least the engine will be cool.
Then I have to stack in three different places at once...
I spent yesterday at the river with my daughter. We had a nice time. Saw a very angry crawdad. Provoked an angry crawdad. Saw a deer. Tried to convince daughter pioneers used dried cowpies to play frisbee.
Today it is back to work.
Was going to post photos of our no-till corn but I really doubt anyone cares.
Have a nice day...

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