The Useful Duck!

Contribute to my Vacation, please...

Friday, March 25, 2016

A very old sticker

I like old stickers. 
I guess they are sort of like graffiti but have a more professional look. Or perhaps I just like stickers and don't like graffiti. 
Other than "Kilroy was here"
Or people who carve Croaton in trees.
I found this one in a window on campus. It appears to be a faculty office.
They tell me it is really frowned on to look in windows when you are leaf blowing. It is also considered impolite to take cell phone pictures through windows.
I was careful not to get caught.

Other things I keep forgetting to write about. 
I faithfully promised a very nice representative from that I would review their Salvador Dali page and put up a link.
I got distracted by the Artsy app and started looking up obscure artists.
I've already been to the Salvador Dali museum in Florida. Dali must be appreciated in his natural setting. Some of the artwork is huge!
It is kind of like a freak show.
I did enjoy some of the smaller pieces and took notes. 
I lost the notes.

Thursday, March 24, 2016

Shoot a cop dog and go to jail. Cops shoot your dog and it is your fault

Another example of why I hate cops cops other than James annoy me.
(Click here)
So when you post all those nice photos of cop German Shepherds this is why I don't click like. They are trained to bite you. Just keep that in mind. Cops (other than James) are not your friends....

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

And the Marxist Dictator Appreciation Tour 2016 Continues, Oppress Dissidents Now Dudes!!!

Our dear leader to a brief respite from Cuban Baseball and getting human rights lectures from the Castro Brothers to make a statement about Brussels and the religion of peace.
I support the religion of Peas, as long as mashed potatoes and gravy are included. Oh, and a nice roast beef. Like Mom used to make.
I would also take a nice Southern Fried Chicken dinner like my Grandma used to make. The skin would be a little crisp on the bottom from the cast iron skillet and there would be a hunk of bacon in the green beans. The peas might have a few small onions in them and there would be a little butter on top. Oh my...
But, I digress...
I was on the subject of Tip Pan Dictators or is it Tin Horn Dictators. I was hoping for a speech, "I'm visiting my mentors..." but no such luck. I'm sure Our Dear Leader will return from Argentina with a lot of awesome new ideas for screwing the non gubment workers.
Perhaps next on the tour will be Kim Choo Chee Chee and Ayatollah Whatshisnameieeeee.
Speaking of Aging Marxists, Hilary had a good speech. She pointed out that Muslims are suicide bombers and they should report those who are. This is an awesome plan which will allow our brave comrades in the FBI to recruit them to make almost real bombs and then spectacularly arrest them just before the blast, or shortly after the blast depending on the agent in charge's vacation schedule and what new draconian laws need to be passed.
It is so wonderful to see Tin Horn Democracy in action.
Trump is a horrible racist dude cause he want's to keep out the religion of pee and also perhaps torture them a little (bring out the comfy Chair!!!), but Cruz is alright cause he wants to kill em all...

In other news....
Our community action group met last night. We missed the meeting where we would present our goal statement, our letter, our traffic study, ourselves.
I don't know if the meeting was changed, the dude in charge told our secretary the wrong date, we were just wrong, or what.
The word is that they have given in to most of our demands.
However, this is just stage one and working towards stage two. It doesn't matter what they say now.
Here what I think happened.
We organized, we got the fellow who single-handedly stopped Waste Management (or at least bugged the heck out of them for a decade) to organize us. He gave an impassioned speech for political action, don't back down, hit em hard, at the first meeting.
Our dear neighbors who were at the first meeting to claim to have single handedly managed to double the value of their property by alternating between badgering Yamhill Country and Waste Management and toadying up to them waged war on our behalf whilst we fiddle with traffic studies and our mundane lives, attended the meeting and are working with the county instead of against the county.
I was suspicious when I heard the exact same quote from our neighbor who declined to attend our neighborhood group meetings and now doesn't want to join our group. He rents from both the County and the dear neighbors who work on our behalf.
If I were a conspiracist I would say that the county heard we were organizing, got word from our neighbor who works on our behalf whilst we do nothing, and decided to downplay their plans for expansion which will diffuse our anger and cause us to loose the passion that keeps us organized. They still have phases two and three over the next few years.
The neighbors who kissed ass will of course be rewarded because Gubment works exactly like middle school. The person who rats out everyone else gets out of detention and those who stick together have to miss recess.
The key is to cave at the right time, not to early, and not to late...
(Kind of like the guy driving the Jeep, Note: an obscure reference to recent events which implies the one guy that didn't get arrested was an FBI informant, no one will get it, don't worry...)

Now, I am going to go mow lawns all day long. This has long been a life goal of mine. To BE lawnmower boy! YES! I have found my special purpose in life. (Obscure reference to a 1970's movie which Bernadette Peters played a trumpet)

In conclusion... I am glad I do not have a radio because I'm tired of hearing how we need to give up personal freedoms and basic civil rights so that we can "combat terror" when the answer is so drastically simple... Stop importing Terrorists... However, we cannot depart from our treasured idiotic ideology. Ideology has killed way more people than religion or perhaps the two are the same.
I say we protect ourselves with Flowers. Happiness and flowers will change the hearts of the mean people, no one can blow up a Flower. Except grounds keepers. We cut them down every day. Heck that is the problem with the world. Evil groundskeepers run amuck, in muck boots, I have Boggs, muck boots are evil. Run away!!!!!

Monday, March 21, 2016

I fail to focus on anything important, and an unrelated link

I have things to do but I'm lazy.
I'm on this committee which is attempting to keep the country from building a park next to an almost as superfund site. I should be researching social activism and writing letters.
I need to balance my books so I can do taxes.
I should be working on the MM G1355. We have the three-speed out of it and it also has hydraulic leaks to fix.
I purchased a Rek-O-Kut 120 tonearm for $10 on eBay. It was missing the headshell and the nickel plating is coming off. Hence, the ten dollar price.
It is much cheaper to buy a headshell than it is to buy the arm.
I found several arms and headshells which no one was bidding on. Until today and the prices are going crazy.

I have been trying to find bearings for my Fairchild 280 arm. I have found some sapphire bearings and holders on Amazon from the Little Parts company but not the exact jeweled bearing and pivot pin that I need. So, I ordered a digital calipers so that I could actually read it. I keep reading the dial on my old calipers incorrectly.

This is my eBay watch list. You can't actually read it but if you could you would have to admit that at least it is interesting. Several old tonearms, a gps so I can do guidance with my phone on my lawnmower, a Farmer Alfalfa film, and a couple telephone crank magnetos.
I bought a whole bunch of magnets last week. They are really strong. I have avoided swallowing any although the urge was strong.

So the point of the post is this, instead of doing anything important at all this evening I took apart my $10 tonearm and polished it. I wish I had another shure M97 to put on it.

I don't want to take the cartridge out of the Fairchild arm in the off chance that I will figure out how to install new bearings.
Perhaps I should also read all the emails and check the Google Groups page for the anti-park committee.

Here is proof of why the gubment is evil and the real reason I am protesting the park. You must resist everything. It also important to point out that you should hate establishment Republicans the very most because they sold us out with the renewal of the patriot act along with several other unconstitutional affronts. (Oh yeah, we got our guns but really what is the point. ) It is now a Felony to interfere with the actions of a federal official so you can now lose your voting rights, your guns, and go to jail for looking at the mailman wrong.

Saturday, March 19, 2016

A better choice for president

My shipment of campaign buttons for the candidate of my choice have finally arrived. My helper and I have been wearing our buttons all day and no one has noticed.

Look what we accomplished today. I wish I knew how to put it back together again.

Update for the man holding a duck

Friday, March 18, 2016

The best feeling in the world is

Taking your iPhone and throwing it as hard as you can at a brick wall. Followed by the worst feeling, because the only thing worse than having an iPhone is not having an iPhone.
Many times I think about the pleasure of taking my MacBook Pro and setting it on the chopping block and hitting it with a splitting maul.
The problem is that I would then not have a laptop.
If only I could take my MacBook Pro and my iPhone and shove them up Tim Cook's ass, but apparently Tim Cook would enjoy that.
I have had Apple Computer's since the Commodore 64 gave up the ghost. If it were not that a windows computer and the new Galaxy 7 were not worse, I would jump ship in a heartbeat.
Just saying...
I'm a little frustrated.
Why don't youall send me a few more texts and email and I'll try to figure them all out....
#$%^&*() piece of crap....

Thursday, March 17, 2016

Support your local community through odd ironic statements

If you only knew the truth....
Don't ask how the image got off centered...

T-shirt available to purchase in our imaginary online store. Really, I'll get it set up one day...
Proceeds go to support Lulu's planned misadventures and my coffee habit.

Sunday, March 13, 2016

There is no information on Fairchild 282 tonearms

I am the proud owner of a rare and valuable Fairchild 282 tonearm.
With bad pivot bearings.
If appears to be impossible to find bearings or any general information on the tonearm.

This is the lower pivot bearing on which everything rides. It appears to be close to .180" which would be 3/16" and is a fine thread pitch. Somewhere we have thread measuring guides.
The center hole (that has blown out) appears to be around .0610 which would be close to 1/16 inch.
In the bottom of the hole it looks like there is a bearing, perhaps a small ball, but it is jammed in tight and I can't really tell.

There is also a small pivot pin which has broken off on the other side of the bearing mount. The pin is 1/16th I think.
It is sort of hard to explain.
But I did a lot of measuring and made my usual indecipherable notes.
I'm going to attempt to find out the thread pitch and then drill out a set screw. Drop a 3/16" ball bearing into the hole with a little oil to make it stick and cut off a drill bit to make a hardened pin.
The center section I think I can machine out of bar stock and also drill out the ends to accept a pin. I'll put another ball bearing into this support post.
I do not have a jeweler's lathe so I suspect that drilling the tiny hold will be hard to do with the big shop lathe.
I should find the research shop at my College. I've heard they don't let groundskeepers near precision tooling. But it may just be me.

Somewhere there is a repository of Fairchild Tonearm parts which someone is probably going to throw in a dumpster because they have no idea what they are.
I of course really have no business playing with something like this. There are probably only a handful left in the world.
But it looks so cool with my vintage Rek-o-Kut turntable...

Donald and what's wrong with the country

I'm more than a little depressed about the coming election.
I have always disliked Donald Trump.
The "Art of the Deal" was a stupid book that inspired a generation of short pants wearing arse-holes to think they were clever businessmen for stealing candy from babies.
Here is the problem...

1. There is no one else to vote for.
2. The shrill people hate him and I find it hilarious and very disturbing at the same time.

I see Donald and Bernie as two sides of the same coin. Both are playing to angry and frustrated voters by saying the sort of things that people blurt out in bars whilst watching TV. "They outta just give everyone free college," or "I'd build a wall to keep those @#$%^& Mexicans out."

This is not what we really want/need. We want the ridiculous price of a college education to go down, we need the student loan program to not be predatory and we must have a policy to deal with political/economic/drug war refugees and put a guest worker program in place.

What I find frightening about it all is how electing a community organizer has divided this country. Grandfatherly law and order sorts of folks are angry. We have a shrill and angry mob at every little thing that does not fit the "progressive agenda" (what ever that is) Everyone hates the police. No one trust the gubment. Our dear leader encourages these divisions.

There is a cultural war going on in this country and those of us who believe in the old ways, things like God Honor Country, Absolute Values, Natural Law, rules of logic winning an argument are losing.
I had a discussion about the evils of capitalism with my work-study student yesterday. I soon discovered and then pointed out that our core values and beliefs were different. We had to stop the discussion to find a common place to begin the argument. We had different core ideology.

For subtle example, read this article in Reason Magazine. (Click Here) How do you feel about Thomas Jefferson now? Do you say he was an evil man for owning slaves who were possibly his relatives or do you say he was a person who lived according to his times and who actually freed those slaves. Was his relationship with Sally H. at best survival sex/rape, or did could a slave love her master?  Is it moral relativism to defend Jefferson in the contest of the time or is it moral relativism to condemn him now?

I've been attempting to read "The Citizen's Handbook." I don't want to pay for "Rules for Radicals," cause I don't want the SOB who wrote it to get a cent from we in royalties.
I'm tired of having social activism used against me. I have pretty much quit Facebook because I'm tired of seeing the same liberal talking points in the same five people's Facebook posts.
Good grief, these people think they are clever by sending sex toys to people they disagree with. Oh, and the name calling... Are we in fifth grade? I've got some great names to throw out but that would make me a racist...

The problem is simple but the solution is impossible. We live in an era where there is a conspiracy of like-minded people who have access to mass communication, lots of money, political understanding, a monopoly on education, (thus direct access of our children), and a will for violence. "We" are an undefined group without a clear purpose, who really just wish things would go back to the way they were in the 1950's, but without the racism.

Which brings me back to Donald. I don't like him. I'm afraid I'm being manipulated to support someone who will continue to take away our constitution and our personal freedoms.
But, I was so very happy to see the 79-year-old guy punch the activist. If Trump pays his legal fees Trump will get the nomination. I would dearly love to see the Trump rally people beat the everlovin' crap out of the Blk Lives Matter people. Not because I hate black people but rather because I truly hate these smug professional activist political tools. I remember communism. I grew up reading stories about the Chinese revolution, about political persecution in Russia. I can draw parallels between the activists of today and the young people of the Cultural Revolution who stoned their parents and teachers in the name of Mao.

Friday, March 11, 2016


Not only does it cure my allergies but it looks really cool when I hold it up to the halogen light on the range hood. 
Wonder if I zapped it the laser pointer it would glow in a dark room and I could convince my daughter it was magical.
Forgot, she is 14 now.
Perhaps radioactive honey from Japanfancanized honey bee's, they don't sting you they just glow and emit gamma rays?

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

If I were smart I would build apps for agriculture

1. I now have an iPhone 6. The giant model. It is huge. It has a great screen. I like that it only has one button on the front. I like that it does not open every app on the phone and randomly call people when I forget to lock it.
I don't like that it is locked into the Apple concept of doing things. Facebook, iTunes, no usb, no removable SD card. It is skinny and beautiful but you can't use it without an armored case. It is Gigantic and won't fit in a shirt pocket.

2. iPhone may have a bigger screen but using the pitiful Blogger app is painful. With my Galaxy 5 I could take a photo, add a little text, and send it to Blogger. Not so with the iPhone. I could also more easily text pictures and links and stuff with the Galaxy 5.

3. I bought this app for $6.50. It turns my phone into a GPS guidance system for my Tractor lawnmower. Unfortunately I can't use it at work as I am not allowed to "play with my phone." This is insane due to the number of apps related to groundskeeping and the need to text and call fellow groundskeepers. It reveals one of the problems with my job. No one in my supervisory chain has the guts to make basic decisions. Oh, well.. That is what rules are for.
But I digress...

What I really wanted to post about.
My FarmerGPS program has built in support for auto boom shutoff.
Or so I thought.
At this point they are switching from a serial to USB converter to Bluetooth connections with the antenna. Of course I just spent an arm and a leg on a RS 232 type antenna. I could have spared a foot and got Bluetooth but no...
So I stumbled upon the iPhone app and the guy who also made a converter to turn your phone or tablet into a planter monitor. (Same active link as phone app,
It uses a small programmable computer chip thingy to do the calculations and read the sensors. 
I'd build stuff like that if I were not borderline handicapped mentally.
I'd like a baler stroke counter that also showed strokes per minute and ground speed. An app that gave you an easy way to count truckloads or dumps. Push a button and get a time stamp kind of thing, and a good Pearson's square feed ration calculator that let you enter multiple feeds and solve for one ingredient amount.
But instead I'm a groundskeeper...


Sunday, March 6, 2016

Making feed in the rain

My wife is out of chicken feed.
Several other people are out of chicken feed.
I am out of barley.
Well not really out, it is a matter of logistics and storage.
The bin fell over two years ago.
The fertilizer bin still has fertilizer in it and is on the only truck that runs.
I get off work at 5 and it is dark or raining or I need to plant and I don't have two hours to get the grain from the warehouse.
I am lazy...
The mixer/grinder went back to its owner and there is no point in going after it again if I barley have enough barely to grind in it. (Something sounds wrong in that sentence)
SO I got out the hammer mill and hooked it up to the MM UTS.
I have lots of peas. So the chickens are eating ground peas and flax and a little clover hay and some card board and a small chunk of 2x4 that I accidentally dropped into the hammer mill and some really nasty oats and weeds.
Not sure they will actually eat the mix.
As I was listening to the belt flying apart I pondered the distribution of wealth.
I could use a $50,000 grant to restart my sustainable nonGMO feed operation. I could really use $150,000, which would allow me to buy doughnuts.
(I don't want to admit but I'd also take $5 and a kind word perhaps a pat on the back)
These sum of money are just Chicken Feed to the gubment. Grants like this are tossed around, studies are commissioned and ignored.
Parks are built next to landfills on narrow country roads even though just across the river there is an RV Park which may be owned by the same people who want to build a park to nowhere and that is just how it is done.
A maroon lands his homebuilt helicopter on the White House lawn (which is a disgrace to the groundskeeping community I might add) and he gets charged with obstructing air traffic. Well, yes... He could have veered a half mile right or left and several thousand feet in elevation, (especially if the airliner were 50 feet off the ground) and might have hit an airliner. Yes indeed, people were at risk.
How we do hate dissent...
But I digress...

Friday, March 4, 2016

I need a new laptop and things I like about my job

A quick post...
Because it took me a half hour to get my MacBook Pro to wake from sleep this morning. I do empathize as I slept though subtle beeping of my alarm clock this morning as well.
This dadburned thing gives me fits. It locks up and doesn't go to sleep and then it won't wake from sleep. I'm afraid it may die of shaken baby syndrome at some point in the future...
Previously, it went for a year without a restart. (I think)
End of topic...

What I like about my job..
We grounders are a funny bunch of folk. It is hilarious to see a group of similar people drawn to the same job. Why are we like this?
A brief little story.
There was a power outage all last week.
Facilities Services put a fair amount of effort into keeping the library in electricity.
The library put on a power restoration party and issued a special invitation to the Facilities department.
My hispanic friend who I cannot for the life of me understand but I like him anyway, invited me to something with doughnuts and cookies. I was quite excited! Free Doughnuts! Yes!
I asked my fellow grounds workers about this elusive and mythical land of cake and doughnuts. After much consultation someone from Facilities who is in the Building and Electrical department explained that there was a party in the library but he didn't have time to attend.
Off we went in a convoy of golf carts to the library.
We all bought our work-study students in our bright safety vests and were first in line for doughnut holes.
It was great!
My previous work-study student told me that doughnut holes and doughnuts were in fact separate entities and there was no doughnut missing its core for every doughnut hole that I ate.
She also said there was no Santa Claus and Fairies and Elves were a myth.
My new work study student went and got me more doughnut holes and a cookie.
Finally, after many doughnut holes, felt guilty about not working and we left to mow lawns and cut down shrubs whose names I cannot remember.
We got somewhat absorbed in our work and discussing politics and the freaky girl who is stalking her and whose nutcase behavior has resulted in three other students not returning to school.
Suddenly it was clean up time.
We raced to the clean up area to dump the trailer and wash the mower.
We were met by the rest of the grounds crew and someone important from the Plumbing department.
They were laughing at me about my new giant iPhone and the fact that I got in trouble for using it during work when I was actually using it for work and that I bragged so much about my previous work-study student that another groundskeeper stole her from me.
The Plumbing guy started in trying to convince my current work-study girl to convert to Plumbing. (as she was dutifully emptying my trailer)
I said he didn't want her because she was lazy and never showed up for work and talked too much.
She started out really shy and a little hesitant but she actually talked back to him.
It was kind of funny to see her react. I had made a joke out of never complimenting another work-study student that I actually wanted to keep so the complaints were actually compliments and she took them that way.
She was quite happy and talkative on the way back to the main office. 
It is fun to see someone who was pretty frustrated at school and feeling sad because of a lack of friends, find a group and gain confidence.
I told her when we ran into her stalker that when she was with the grounders she was safe. We were her tribe. That other girl was a moron and she didn't need to back down. Make the other girl leave the library, we had Jesus to keep us safe. (Not to be sacrilegious but Jesus is another grounds keeper who, wait... that is not coming out right... Okay, I have to go to work. and I think the computer is dying again.)
Have a nice day!
you figure out my post in a way that brings you happiness...

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

Decisions on the future of my blog

So the deal is this...
I'm now the chairman of a neighborhood group which is dedicated to stopping the expansion of a park that is at the end of our road.
The park is a problem because it is at the end of our narrow road and is next to an active landfill that stinks.
The end result is that it will then become a haven for the horrible beer drinking, meth smoking, copper wiring stealing morons that have become our lower classes.
I have kept my identity a "secret" for years mostly because this blog is how I feel right now and is not meant to be taken really seriously. If I use real names then I have to be accurate and correct and worry about people getting their feelings hurt. Also, I feel sort of pretentious using my real name. The blog is not really about you thinking I'm clever, its about you getting a laugh and me letting off a little steam and getting you to laugh.
As a farmer with no aspirations of greatness I had little to lose.
Now I have a real job and my blog sometimes involves my job.
It is not much of a stretch for local folk to figure out who I am and where I work. In fact it is pretty obvious.
For example, I ride a red Triumph which I've owned for 30 years. I've lived in the same community for 30 years. I've lived in the same house for a decade on the same farm that my grandparents bought in 1943. We farm with Minneapolis-Moline and White tractors. I work at the only college that can be called local. I drive the only red gator on campus.
I was a little surprised at the response to my idea of going private or invitation only.
I apparently have a small number of very faithful readers.
I guess I should add a question box at the bottom.
Check here if you think this blog post could get me fired...

Note: For those of you who oppose putting a park on a proposed Superfund site there will be another meeting to discuss organizing an opposition. It will be held at 6 p.m. Thursday, March 2, at the back room of the Hotel Oregon.
I will be the lady with frizzy hair and a purple cardigan smelling faintly of Chronic. Might as well just admit who I am right now... You can trust me...

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Monday Morning trash pickup is often interesting

If you were wondering, it is a rubber examination glove.

This blog may go private for a while. If you want to be a member you need to email me.

Please leave comments! It is really easy!

You just type your comment in the text box below the post. You can be anyone you want.
And...Would the joker who keeps clicking "offensive" please leave an explanation ?!