The Useful Duck!

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Saturday, June 29, 2013

Photographic proof that faeries exist outside of the LGBT community

MuddyValley can be such a poopie-bottom. Doesn't believe in Elves or Faeries... (see comments on previous post) Doesn't accept that the "wee folk" could be bringing me pie in exchange for all those 1/2" and 9/16" SK sockets that have gone missing from my pockets. (I'm pretty sure the Elven community has not switched from Whitworth thread and so the 1/2" is in great demand as it corresponds to a similar Whitworth size.)
However, years ago I did see photos of Faeries and after some exhausting online research which resulted in my need to delete all cookies and browsing history I found photographic proof! (As opposed to the pornographic proof-how do they do that stuff! Really bendy!!!)-but I digress...
CLick this link to see a photography of a fairy hovering in front of a girl. I know it is real because 1. The photo is black and white, 2. It was taken a long time ago when people didn't lie.  3. I choose to believe it is true.
I say to those who don't believe in Elves, they should just go way back and sit down! With some biotech wheat, but not eat it, cause it is bad for you....
Who knows just what you would get should you try to summon a nymph in the light of the full moon, in a field of bio-engineered barley!!!
In other news....

Must NOT forget to pick my wife up at the airport at 6:30 today. Or was it 6:30? Was that a.m. or p.m.? brother is the only one in the family working. He swathed ryegrass all night whilst his brother was lazy... There is no justice in this world...

Friday, June 28, 2013

Mmmm Pie

Strange events in my house.
Came in the other evening and there was a container of raspberries on the counter.
The next evening there was a pie.

Was wondering about the Shoemaker and his elves story...
Perhaps elves like catfood?
Or stale Krispy Kreme doughnuts?

Thursday, June 27, 2013


I have close to 200 acres of grass hay to do. It should be done before the 4th of July. On top of that, I have another150 acres to stack for the neighbors.
We are also swathing annual ryegrass, irrigating corn, and should be combining Meadow Foxtail.
So when I was looking for a flashlight to take under the house to check out the dripping insulation, I get a call from the neighbor who has 50 acres of second cutting ryegrass to mow.
He really should be at the end of the list as he is the newest customer.
The guy who cut the hay previously made a big deal of "giving me his customer."
My attitude is kind of bad.
I have enough to do and it is sometimes hard to not relate the joke about the little boy who went fishing with his grandpa.
Grandpa stops at the store for beer and chew and gets junior an icecream.
They get going and junior bugs him for a chew,
Grandpa says to Junior,
Sure you can- But only when your @#$% reaches your )(*&^
Junior is a little miffed but shuts up.
They get out on the lake and Grandpa cracks open an ice cold beer.
Junior asks for a drink.
Grandpa says to Junior,

Sure you can- But only when your @#$% reaches your )(*&^
Junior is a little peeved.
THey don't catch any fish, they head home.
They stop at the store and Grandpa offers to buy Junior an ice cream.
Junior says no he wants a lottery ticket.
Grandpa buys it.
Junior turns out to be a winner!
Grandpa asks Junior to share...
Junior says,
I don't know Grandpa Does your @#$% reaches your )(*&^?
Grandpa says,
WHy yes junior it does!!!!
And Junior says...
"Well then Grandpa, Go $%^& your self..."
(Sort of hard to tell a dirty joke and keep the PG rating...)
But it explains how I feel about doing hay.
They always love you when they need you....

On the other hand, MuddyValley brought me coffee and fixed my window.... Does he want something? Is there any real charity left in this world. He is probably after my Legendary Stardust Cowboy bright pink colored vinyl album. Collectable that is!!!

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

An update on that quest for 1.2 million dollars

I had $50 worth of donations in my paypal account but I seem to have blown it on Waylon Jennings albums and a NOS plastic name badge for the side of my tractor that reads "WFE."
I also bought a VW powered screwtype aircompressor which I can tow behind the Ford Ranger I bought from the scrap guy.
The air compressor is pretty cool. But, as it is with all of my purchases, there is a little problem. The air kick down valve doesn't work so it kills the engine when it builds up pressure.
It was cheap. The air wand was not. It cost $175 but it has a venturi thing which almost doubles the flow!
But, I digress...
I am lazy.
It is 8:27 a.m. and I can hear my brother hard at work.
I am supposed to be meeting someone to install a new window in my tractor.
I am soaking the new window and old window gasket (which are attached) in the hot tub. I should be in the hot tub with a little disco music and some candles but it is 8:27 am and my gold chains distract the neighbors in bright morning sunlight.
Actually there is no sunlight and I should be swathing ryegrass as I'm sure Orin is doing.
With 1.2 million dollars I assure you my posts on laziness would be so very much more interesting!
UPDATE at 12 noon or so...
Ok so here is the real story...
I put the window in the bathtub and ran hot water on it to loosen the rubber seal. I sort of drifted off there for a minute and flooded the bathroom. It took me several hours to mop up the floor and get a fan going. Then I had to crawl under the house and cut holes in the insulation and make sure hole I cut in the furnace duct-the last time this happened was still there.
While I was putzing about with all of this the guy who was supposed to help me put in the window came out and then left. You see, he didn't really want to install the window, he just wanted me to think he did. This is because I've helped him a number of times in the past and he really likes the idea of helping me back.
(These are the same people who told MuddyValley they were related to me when MuddyValley and company essentially known who my relatives were since 1979.)
So I'm feeling a bit grumpy. It is drizzling rain. It will be 90 degrees by the end of the week. I'm not getting work done.
I called someone to attempt to get a new bathtub installed or at least a drain hole cut in it. I'm attempting to get a guy to fix the insulation, the floor, and the tub. Apparently you can't get the same guy to do all three. He is supposed to come out and tell me if there is enough damage to make an insurance claim. This is the third time this has happened.
What kind of an idiot puts a bathtub in without an over flow drain? The sort of idiots that build manufactured homes, thank you very much... They will scab on fake shutters which fall off in a windstorm but they won't put in a $%^&*! overflow drain in the bathtub...
This is added to the baler I have to find a tire for, the combine which needs to be repaired, the airconditioning on the other combine, the tractor window, the tractor A/C, the swathers, the rake, and whatever else I have forgotten. And all I really want to do is fix the valve on my new Air Compressor. That would be an interesting job.
And my wife is gone, I burned the beans which I have had for every meal since she left, I'm out of coffee, the boxes of Krispy Kreme doughnuts I bought from the neighbor girl's fundraiser are stale, and my back hurts.
However, I got the cat to stop yowling. I put the $%^&*er out on the porch. So, overall I'm having a nice lunch.
I would like to issue a disclaimer along the lines of the one found in Gorgesgrouse today.
I really am grumpier than I sound in my blog...
Thankyou, have a nice day...

Monday, June 24, 2013

How we got it back down...

We had to borrow the neighbor's hay squeeze and lifted the box. Then removed the hydraulic cylinder on one side. Then lowered it carefully.
It is pretty badly sprung. I'm not really sure what happened. I think the rear cylinder failed and jammed up inside.
It was not new...

Can you spot the problem with this picture?

(Other than the hood not matching the rest of the truck and the need for a paint job.)

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Leading a dog's life

I chanced upon an expression of true laziness.
Stanley was laying in the sun. Sprawled out on his back. The absolute picture of relaxation.
He is an inspiration to us all!

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Planting is finished for this year and what is an anachronism?

The last duck pond finally dried out. I planted millet. Growing three acres of it for chicken feed. We didn't get our scheduled rain so it probably won't come up without irrigation.
Daughter and I have been discussing turning the duck pond into a circle track. There are a number of three-wheelers, 4 wheelers, small cars, trucks, tractors that could be driven I moderate speeds in circles. My brother suggested turning a duckblind into a grandstand. We have plenty of straw bales....

Is mounting FarmerGPS on a 1942 Minneapolis-Moline U an illustration of the term "Anachronism" or is it just an example of why we don't really get much done here at Lazy Farmer Farms.
The photo is of replanting Teff. It is not coming up. Teff is kind of difficult to grow. The seeds are tiny and I always plant it too deep.

Monday, June 17, 2013

What I've always suspected about soccer

Not that there is anything wrong with it...
Just the same I will get a lot of amusement out the neighbor guy who wears funny pants, claims he is Austrian (not German) and whose son plays for the Portland Timbers.
And also Jose' who seems to be just a tad on the "homophobic" side. That is a long story which involves him coming to America and a very helpful older gentleman who likes to help out young hispanic boys...
Comedy gold comes my way. Thank you very much Timber Army!

Sunday, June 16, 2013

What I wanted to do for father's day but didn't think about till yesterday

Wenatchee River Bluegrass Festival

I didn't think about it until yesterday when I was listening to the KBOO Country Western music show and they gave the community calendar.
But, I seriously overslept this morning.
This was planned by my wife. My Father's Day request was to be, "left alone for once..." but it was spoken during a moment of frustration when people were pestering me on a Sunday afternoon to take care of their hay.
My daughter brought me breakfast in bed at 10 a.m.
She was told to let me sleep.
My wife and her sister went to see their father.
Daughter and I missed church.
My brother went to church.
My dad doesn't realize it is father's day. He is not sure where he is or what day it is but he knows where his office is and where the bathroom is located. (most of the time)
The daughter and I are packing a lunch and going exploring down at the river.
I'm having trouble waking up.
My daughter is quite happy. Her cousin from Gresham came to visit her yesterday. They played games and talked girl stuff.
I overheard them when I was getting ready to go stack bales. I think it is a bit of a trial for my daughter to be surrounded by boy cousins.
And now I am going to go do something. Pack a lunch, get my fishing pole, or build a potatoe cannon.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

My view of the great information gathering scandal

So I watched Faux News (using the useful idiot spelling) while waiting for my daughter at guitar practice yesterday.
I've heard several discussions of the Gubment's clever plan to thwart terrorism by recording every single communication made in the world and the argument is always the same.
They need to keep us safe/the guy is a traitor vs the Gubment doesn't need to read my emails. Every argument ends with a declaration for at least one party that they don't trust the Gubment anymore.
I was sort of bemused by the whole thing as I thought everyone in the world already knew this information search was going on. There have been articles in "Wired" and "Popular Science," and my webnews info site.
However, since I don't watch TV news I guess I have a different perspective.
After watching Faux News, I'm kind of amazed. The Gubment totally and completely lies to you all the time. I watched the head of the NSA lie and then get caught in the lie and do a terrible job of explaining away the lie.
I saw that our US Senator, Ron Wyden, set up the head of the NSA with the spying question. This was explained by Carl Rove, who then criticized the "set-up" as a dirty trick. Wyden was on the committee that knows about the program but he can't talk about it cause it is all top secret. So he asked the head of the NSA if they were collecting data on US citizens to force him to either lie or admit to it.
Carl Rove criticized the NSA guy for not giving a better answer and went on the say that revealing the program harmed US security.
I call BS.
Carl Rove was one of the geniuses that gave us this mess.
I'll explain the program to you! I found the explanation in the middle of an article which complains that the NSA spied on everyone but Islamic people. But... Read this quote out of the middle. (Click on the quote to see the whole article.)

"Before mosques were excluded from the otherwise wide domestic spy net the administration has cast, the FBI launched dozens of successful sting operations against homegrown jihadists — inside mosques — and disrupted dozens of plots against the homeland."

Read More At Investor's Business Daily:
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Do you realize what they were doing with this program???
They picked up key words. They found the people with the suspicious phone calls and emails, and they set them up to do terrorist acts, and then they busted them!!!!
Now I realize you are not going to see any criticism of this as it is standard police work in the so-called war on drugs, but it is not really fighting "terrorism."
For perspective...
I email MuddyValley about fertilizer and blowing up the Beavers. A chicken feed customer tries to get me involved in a plot to blow up an Oregon State Football game. (The Beavers)
I find the whole thing intensely amusing and I get the chicken feed guy to tell me more. FBI agents raid my home, shoot my dog, and take away all my vetch screenings thinking they are castor beans. 
Instead they find parts of old guns, 40 year old boxes of .22 ammo, a slingshot, an antique Lakeside shotgun (that I'm afraid to shoot), model rocket engines, The Anarchist's Cookbook, and declare me a terrorist. 
They put out a press release congratulating themselves on foiling a homegrown terrorism plot.
I sue them for 1.2 million dollars for breaking my record collection during their attempt to plant ricin in my carpet.
I go to jail...
The difference between me and the Islamic people is that I don't belong to an organization that has any lobbying power and.... I'm NOT a potential terrorist.
I do find the whole post 9-11 world frightening. It is like everything that the Gubment has done has been thought up by people who are promoted several steps above their ability and that they get their ideas from comicbooks and movies they saw as kids.
So, crazy people in airplanes crash into great public buildings and what do you do?

A- Admit you don't know who did it and call on everyone to return to the basic ideas of freedom and personal responsibility that this nation was founded on. 

B- Spend trillions on war that has almost nothing to do with the original terrorist act. Go into a country that ruined the economies of Great Britain and Russia. Accidently kill people whose relatives will hate you for 1000 years and thus spawn new terror attacks? 
Do strange irrational things like have a cow about Bible donations and a rifle scope manufacturer who may or may not have a Bible verse encoded in a serial number and then send a Gay ambassador to an unstable country populated by fanatics who hate Gays? Send a woman to negotiate with people who think women should walk ten paces behind them?
Fight a war against "terrorists" (whatever that means) who are getting illegal weapons somewhere, but yet at the same time, destabilize a crazy country where the nutcase dictator collected warehouse upon warehouse of the same weapons....
And then, purposely import as many people as possible who belong to the same ideology of the shadowy group you are supposedly fighting, but yet have no program in place to filter out (if you can) those people who are potential "terrorists."
AND finally, attempt record every single electronic transmission in the world and filter it for keywords to find the above mentioned terrorists?

They chose B...

I swear, you couldn't dream this crap up if you were writing a book....

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Ok, I have become the lazy farmer...

Shirking responsibility is what I am doing.
My neighbor wanted me to have all his hay picked up by morning. I didn't get started until 7:30 tonight as I was trying to do my own hay.
I've picked up sixteen blocks of hay in two fields, (52.8 tons of hay) and I had to drive right past my house to get to the next field.
On the way I'm doing this rationalization thing:
My neighbor expressing disappointment in my work ethic and farming abilities, or supper and my easy chair?
My neighbor getting his hay rained on (not supposed to rain tonight plus a red sky at sunset) or tucking my daughter into bed and going to bed myself.
My neighbor never hiring me again, or a nice long poop...
So far, my neighbor is losing... Hope he doesn't still read this blog... Well, it is almost 11 p.m.
Ten years ago, I'd still be stacking.
But exactly how has that made me a self-actualized person?

Gator in the ditch and I hate hay

Playing a prank on the kids is getting harder and harder. They are much less gullible trusting than they once were.

My brother got a gator decoy. (I think he gets distracted while ordering tractor parts online.)
What we should have done is put it under the trees across the river where they like to swim.
Instead I put it in the big drainage ditch below the hill and we told the kids there was a cute family of baby ducks swimming with their mommy.
It was amusing but not quite the screaming cries of terror we had envisioned.
I also used the same line on my wife and she was amused.
I had hoped the tree trimming folks employed by the Electric Company would see it and react also. They did not.
Our lines were clear and so they spent the day setting in their air conditioned big diesel truck in the shade. I wonder if they got bored?
But, I digress.
I was raking hay and it was 85 degrees. I got sunburned.
The only small tractor that is currently running is an IH 656 hydro of indeterminate age. I was pulling a model 56 New Holland rake.
There is a lot of heat that comes off that hydro!
We should operate a living history museum...
I hate doing hay. It was once my favorite time of year. My daughter says I am grumpy.

Saturday, June 1, 2013

GMO wheat for Nuclear Fallout? Will this balance our trade deficit?

Since Japan has been dosing us with radiation for two years, and now that all the fish on the West Coast are full of cesium, doncha think the Japanese could put up with a little GMO wheat?
What is it going to do, make us all glow a little less at night?
I'm not altogether happy with trading fake poison for real poison but ain't that how international trade is negotiated nowadays.
Toxic sheet rock, glow in the dark fish, GMO wheat, E-coli beef, mad cow, what's the USDA inspector for anyhow...
Have a nice day...
Think I'll go cut some radioactive hay got to keep that radioactive milk on the store shelves.
Speaking of radioactive milk and "see nothing, do nothing..."
I heard plenty of coffee shop talk about radioactive milk in the early days of the "crisis" and that was certainly kept on the down-low.
Getting sick from your imagination from eating GMO wheat is a much worse illness than dying from radiation ten years later.

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