Our back yard floods, water valve leaks, phone gets wet, father can't print-the end of the year!

For those of you calling to wish me happy nude new year who are frustrated by my refusal to answer my phone, there is a good reason. I dropped it into water up to my shoulder. I know this as I was attempting to find the water valve that shuts off the garden water line. It has been leaking just a small amount and it contributed to the flooding of my wife's raspberry patch. I discovered this problem on a kind of chilly day. I had to break ice to get to the valve. I made a valve opener/closer out of a piece of scrap metal. It will also make a good hot dog roaster this summer. It turned out to be a two person job. One person reaching down into the hole and the other turning the closer but we got it. My wife was very nice about the raspberry flood.
I am not sure the phone is dead. It is supposed to be water resistant. I took the battery out right away. It was not wet inside.
Now I am going to crawl under the house and tape up rips in the insulation and put out mouse bait.
I'm in Dad's office. I was going to pay some bills but dad is having problems with his computer and that takes priority.
He is also opening all the bills and putting them into his filemaker pro database. This is a complete waste of time and will result quite the search by me to find end of the year bills to pay. Soon he will loose another bill and there will be a huge crisis.
I am listening to the relatives installing their computer. They are worried about the internet. They are installing firewalls and anti-virus. They don't have their internet service yet but they don't want to hook up temporary to our wireless network. There is quite a bit of worry about passwords and security. And static vs dynamic IP addresses.
PC people are quite entertaining to us Mac folks at times. I am keeping to myself. I started to explain and then I realized they wanted to do it their way and that is fine with me.
Chronic boy is discussing his fake injury. I've finally figured it out. I thought he was faking as I've seen him carrying big chunks of steel on Sundays when he is building things out at the shop.  I now think he is totally convinced that he has a real injury and that the doctors can't really find. He is going through therapy and getting injections and everything. You would think it is real as why would someone go through all that but yet totally appear to be faking? I'm going to suggest he get a medical pot card. He has the perfect injury for that.
My life is sometimes like a TV comedy program. I kind of expect a shark to show up at the door with a candy-gram.