The Useful Duck!

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Friday, June 29, 2012

It rains, I try to make hay, things go wrong, I am angry at apple computers, the usual complaints...

The point of this post was my frustration with rain which of course is a result of man-made global warming. It goal to be more tolerant during deviant sex month. (not that there is anything wrong with it)
Being on the subject of deviant sex also brings us back to my feelings towards my Apple Computer.
I have been an Apple follower since the Commodore 64 died. I started with a 512 and have wasted enough money on over-priced but smoothly working computer products to have a pretty decent retirement account, or at least several iced mocha's in one day.
However, I am starting to migrate towards the I hate Apple camp. Of course I absolutely loathe my PC tablet I use for GPS but somehow realizing it is a piece of crap windows machine and understanding it cost my $75 plus shipping, and remembering my solemn vow to never again rip the tablet and all the wires out of the tractor and hurl them out the door-as that does not actually hurt Bill Gates in any way and then I have to get a new tablet PC and rewire the maze of wiring which is all one color because that is what I had and there is no wiring diagram because that was the notebook that was under the hole in the roof in the shop during the rainstorm that is winter in Oregon... (Wow! a run on sentence-never done that before!)
But, I digress- I hate rain, failure, and Apple computers.
I will start with my new reconditioned MacBook Pro.
I have a wonderful little Apple iBook G4. It the last of the PowerPC iBooks. The best Apple models to buy are right before they orphan them. It is against Apple's creed to build the perfect computer. There goal is to build an almost perfect computer but always have some annoying fault, but yet you know what could have been. It is a strange sadistic scheme that has tainted my relationship with my computer from day three.
The iBook is running system 10.5 which seems to be the last least annoying version of OS 10. It does not run in classic mode but I've pretty much stopped using OS 9 anyway.
The MacBook Pro looks good, it is fast, and it has crappy wireless range, and I dislike OS 10.6. It does not save your wireless passwords reliably and does not remember networks properly. I can have the iBook right beside the MacBook and pick up additional networks and not have to retype in the passwords. Meaning I do not have to get up to email my wife to get her to slide toilet paper under the door when our Onlinemac/onlinenw or wine country internet-what ever it is, stops working for the 100th time and I have to sign on to the neighbor's internet and I can't remember the password.
But, this is not why you decided to read the Lazy Farmer this morning.
No, you wanted to hear about farming!
Here it is- It rained!
 I had a cunning plan. Of course it failed... Because I am not the sort to actually get stuff done...
I have someone coming after some hay left over from last year. I figured I could sell him a truck load of hay- if I had the truck load setting in the shed. I calculated the weather out by the hour and decided I could make the four blocks I needed to complete the truck load-before the rain scheduled for yesterday.

I was wrong...

First of all I somehow communicated the wrong amount of hay to be cut. So, we have ten acres down instead of five.
Secondly I spent too much time bleeding the brakes on the stacker and not enough time getting my helper to take a short lunch break and get the baler ready. Grease, diesel, and twine, plus hooking it up and putting the trailer ball on the tractor hitch.
Thirdly, Instead of talking to the fellow who I want to rent ground from-and who will never rent me his farm,  but instead will rent to his more wealthy neighbor, I should have been making windrows to bale.

So I got started late with the v-rake. Then my helper decided he must go into town and cash his check, then he had coffee break, and by the time he got done drinking coffee and "petting" his pooch and I finally lost patience and started texting him and trying to call my brother to bring the baler an hour and a half had past.
Finally, I got the stacker...And it started raining. And my wife locked her keys in the car at wallmart. About that time I hit a rut so hard with the stacker I bashed my head on the roof of the stacker, my extra pepsi feel out of the Airconditoner vent and hit me on the head and I lost my phone. SO I did not get my wife's phone call and she had to call AAA. If I would have gotten that phone call whilst picking up hay in the rain I would then have had to make a later call to AA and perhaps my employee would have had his feelings hurt...Misplaced aggression?
The lesson: Don't think you are smarter than you really are. No matter how many times you try to be clever the dead weight of your situation will just drag you down. Always factor in the screw-up quotient for your operation. This number is determined by multiplying the average number of screws-ups in a day times your employee's weight, plus the average age of your tractor collection multiplied by the average height of uncut grass added to the number of items that should be scrapped and divided by  3.14. Then divide this number by 10 to get it into a manageable amount. If you play the banjo or have a rocking chair add 1.7, my number is 7.6...
I leave you with a view out the window of the stacker-and now I will go to work. I have spent nearly an hour messing about with the internet in order to make this post work. I really dislike, Apple computers and OnlineNorthwest at this point in time. Thank you very muchly...
Epilogue-I have spent an additional half hour attempting to find an email for my wife confirming a meeting she was to attend and no one is around. The lady organizing the meeting first sent out last years confirmation email which my wife printed out for the directions and she is not all that happy.
So... I am setting in the middle of the machinery lot on my MacBook Pro borrowing internet that is not Wine Country- OnlineNW related and actually works... And I now have two hours invested in a 15 minute job...


  1. Uh...two hours invested? Or two hours successfully deployed in avoidance? Mirandy's spouse seems not to have been plagued by any need to actually accomplish anything.

  2. Well now I see I had a pretty good day in comparison to yours. All of I know of Apple is that my brother is really happy with his IPad. Otherwise I am a P.C. guy for better or worse.


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