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Thursday, October 24, 2013

Farming the Lazy Farmer way and how to be a BTO in five easy steps...

I went to sleep on the couch after supper last night and no one woke me up. I had another ten acres to farm but I am so incredibly lazy...
I was going to get up early and repair the baler by neighbor borrowed from me and destroyed but then I got distracted by Gene Logsden's blog. CliCk Here...
My brother has been reading one of Gene's books and we've been discussing organic farming.
(I almost bought a couple Gene books at Powells but I was too cheap and opted for the Corning Egg Book, By Corning Himself, instead... Sorry Gene, if you read this)
The blog that made me sit down and have another cup of coffee has to do with herbicide resistance and what that means for the future. There was some hopeful comment about a chance for small farms with farmers who want to cultivate or hoe.

I think it is quite simple...
1. Big farms will get bigger...  As people become bigger arseholes in general, the size of their farms increase.

Here is how it works... When you are really small and struggling you are nice to everyone to get someone to give your ground. Then you hit a wall. No more ground. Neighbor's want you to be smaller than them so they feel like better farmers. So, you have to decide, be nice and be small or get big.
Step two, you screw anyone to get more ground. You form an LLC and you offer more money for rent you look at the tax map to find potential landlords to manipulate and you set a goal of 10,000 acres...
Step three, you give up a little... Drop to 7,000 acres. Cry hard times. Perhaps a bankruptcy, then you can pick who you want to pay off. Those people will be your potential friends, so choose wisely!
Step four, wait a couple years, avoid screwing anyone important in the local ag community. Perhaps, give up some ground. After three years start joining stuff. Farm Bureau is a good place to start. They are desperate for members and completely irrelevant. Hire a couple of the smaller neighbors to help with harvest. Wave at people.
Step five, benevolence... Be a part of the community. People will forget how you got there. Now they will be nice to you because you have things they want... You are in! Lots of folks will come to your funeral. What a goal!

2. Um, I forgot what point two was. Perhaps it doesn't matter. I doubt I will start farming with a horse. Have all the harness. I like horses. I have the USDA handout, "Horse Sense," from 1918. Of course I also have a civil defense bulletin on building a fallout shelter and a pamphlet from 1936 warning of the Nazi threat. Sort of old news I suppose...

I got way off subject and now I have to go to work...Out of coffee and my bottom is getting numb. Elvis has a cushion on his throne!

Here is a photo of a large scale farmer! Look! New overalls!


4 comments:

  1. Good article by Gene. I have no interest in becoming a BTO. More likely to become a "STO" but more efficient not having to spread myself too thin over too many acres. Or maybe I am just becoming more of a "lazy farmer" myself.

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  2. That reminds me of a story about a sawmill operator. I'll tell it sometime.

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  3. I'd planned on going back to horses after I got out of high school, but I got married and became a greedy capitalist instead.

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  4. i cant believe he didnt blame that toot on the dog - the dog looks guilty enough.
    ;-)

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