My perpetual motion machine (almost)

I've been thinking of ways to generate power after stealing dad's most recent Farm Show Magazine. There are ideas for wood gas generators and steam power and how to build a logsplitter out of a huge flywheel and scrap iron and how to turn your combine into a ear corn picker or a front end loader. Farmers just use what they have and build something that is always interesting and often useless.

So I got to thinking about we have sitting around in the winter and I came up with a design which would capitalize on the things my employee loves most about the winter- chicken, beer, and porn. And sitting on his arse and the fact that his neighbors share their chronic...

Here is how it works...

I find an old teeter-totter at the Jimmy Carter store. On one side I mount beer kegs. There is an initial investment in cheap beer, chicken, and I'd have to get one of the medical grow cards but I think in the long run it would pay off. I may have to drop the porn idea as I'm to uptight to actually buy any. I figured the porn would get him to set down but I think a bucket of chicken would do the same thing.

But, I digress.

I fill the kegs with cheap beer. Someone brought me a whole keg of Bud Lite (for slug bait) and I'm sure it is still in the garage of one the houses I used to live at. While I didn't drink it I would never throw anything away so it should be still around.

He drinks the beer which transfers the weight to the other side of the balance beam. The beam depresses a old pump jack which turns a pulley which runs a generator which powers the TV which keeps him interested until he has to go to the bathroom. Since I figure he just goes to the bathroom and sits back down in it anyway... I have a hose connected to the beer keg sort of like reclaiming the water from a steam engine. This transfers weight back to the beer keg. It may water the beer down just a little, I really doubt he could tell the difference with the cheap stuff anyway.

Plus, when he runs out of beer he will light up a spliff which in turn will make him high as a kite, so the beam will rise, pulling up the pump jack and generating more electricity.

I will have to occasionally add more beer and chronic so I will have to be careful to add them at the right time.

Otherwise it should be pretty much self running.

Now I wonder if I could get some stimulus money to build this?