The Useful Duck!
Saturday, January 27, 2024
I try to find references to alien abductions in my blog and have moderate success but not the success I wanted.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
For Collieguy-Sneak Preview of Strumpet!
I think I should avoid the use of the adjective "Pesky"
I do need a better lead...
Aliens Abduct LF Employee
Those pesky aliens have struck once more at Shepherd Farms kidnapping long time Shepherd Farms employee, Willaim J. Hall.
Even more disturbing evidence has been found pointing to a possible illicit probing and body and attitude reprogramming involving this loyal and semi-dependable yoeman.
“It all started a month or so ago. Bill said he was coming to work on Monday and then just disppeared. I called later in the week to see if he had the Obama Flu and he said he would be at work on Monday. “Then he just vanished,” said LF assisstant to the assistant farm manager, Mr. Budd A. (assistant) Shepherd.
Shepherd says he was completely shocked by Bill’s absence. “I’ve know him to be early for work. Sometimes he has to sit and drink coffee with Uncle Harold as it is like 7:30 a.m. or something, and sometimes he tries to sneak in and work on Sundays, but the idea of Bill missing a day of work is unheard of.”
Authorities were called but declined to file a missing persons report. “It is really out of our jurisdicition. We only go after people not wearing seatbelts and really obvious Meth users,” said Amity Police Chief James Clark.
“Oh and skateboarders, skatebording may not be a crime but they sure are pesky little fellows,” he added.
Rumors persist that Bill may have had a job hauling Christmas trees for another farmer or that he was sitting on his arse watching TV.
“I am sure it was Aliens,” said Shepherd.
“Bill always calls and I know he could never stand to just sit around and watch TV,” he said.
Apparently Alien contacts have become more frequent according to noted radio personality Art Bell. People have been experiencing strange probing sensations especially during wine tasting sessions in Amity...
When Bill unexpectedley appeared for work the first Monday in December, most people did not recognize him.
“I knew it was Bill because it was Monday and Bill said he would show up on Monday and he would never mislead me,” said Budd.
Others at Shepherd Farms were somewhat skeptical. “It doesn’t look like Bill, I need to see his social security card, he could be an illegal alien. You know I have to send all that information into the state. What do I do with this letter about child support. Rollan isn’t here,” said Uncle Ted accountant of the year.
“I just hope he doesn’t use floor dry instead of sawdust, said Uncle Harold.
There is some speculation that an accident befell Bill before his untimely dissapearance the first rainy day of fall.
One anomyous sourse proposed the theory that Bill was running the venerable Minneapolis-Moline G706 and pulling a large flat-roller when he fell off the back and was flattened by the roller.
“The new Bill seems longer and flatter than the old Bill. This would be consistant with what happens to cartoon charactors when they are run over by a steam-roller or ran through the wringer on an antique washing machine,” said the source.
The Strumpet Editor, Budd E. Shepherd “pooh-pooh’s” this idea. “That is inferring that William J. Hall possesses attributes of a cartoon charactor and infact may very well be a cartoonish figure. I will in no way stand for Bill being placed in the same classification as Daffy Duck or any other Looney Toons Charactor, although when he carries a shotgun I once mistook him for Elmer Fudd-But that was only once!”
The Editor is more inclinded towards the Alien abduction theory. “There have been many unexplained helicopter sightings and my wife’s friend has not been around, plus one of Eileen’s chicken is missing. Not only that, most of the clocks in our house don’t work and that is a sure sign of Alien activity,” said Budd.
The question remains, was Bill probed and shapeshifted while in alien custody and did he infact enjoy the experience.
“The fact of the matter is that Bill seems much more happy, he is full of enthusiasm, he drinks more coffee, and he likes Bob Marley,” I think that proves something, “By the way, what is a spliff,” said the Editor.
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
My theory is that Aliens were responsible for the recent air disasters
Read this article about the recent airplane crash.
Friends of the guy who crashed the plane claim he was framed to cover up mechanical failures in the plane.
My theory is mind control. He crashed the plane because there was an important US spy on the plane. But, I digress...
If you come up with a theory and you say it loudly and forcefully enough, and you repeat it frequently, someone will believe it. Then another person will believe it and then you have a movement. Especially if you have been eating prunes....
Off topic again...
My second strong opinion. Look at the inset about German privacy laws. We should have those laws. Anything reported in confidence to a therapist, Dr. or Clergy should be strictly protected by privacy laws. If you don't encourage people to talk about their problems, confess their sins, they will bottle it up and go nuts... Prosecution of potential crimes is making thought into crime.
The clergy/therapist/Dr. should encourage the person to turn themselves in, could have the option of reporting a crime if it is particularly horrible or you suspect lives will be endangered but you should also take the risk of a civil lawsuit if you are wrong.
For example, if you report a parent for child abuse and the kid was not abused, you and CPS should be open to a lawsuit.
Third, look at the headline on the inset, Privacy laws to protect Nazi's? Another direct attack on established personal liberty and privacy of citizens.
Forth, Aliens harvested the brains of the people on doomed airliner, has anyone found any brains? nope, is a coverup... Aliens are transplanting the brains of doomed airplane passengers and creating a invasion force of robot banjo players who have real human brains incased in a mechanical body. They will take over the world by playing incredibly depressing Bluegrass music over all the public radio stations. It is going to be brutal.
That is why I wear a stainless steel strainer on my head which is grounded to my Romeo slip on shoes. (I built it on the advice of a fellow blogger. Thanks, I've not seen an alien in at least a month, of course the voices I hear in my head at night could be from me leaving the shop radio tuned to KBOO and left on at night, or cats)
Saturday, July 26, 2014
Picking up apples killed my uncle!
Uncle H, was in great shape Saturday. We were fixing a waterline. He didn't feel like digging the hole and asked me to help. It was 90 degrees.
Later we had coffee time and then he cut some steel for a customer.
He was doing fine!
Then he decided to go home and pick up apples.
Now I've watched Hercule Perot and Inspector Morse, and White Collar and I know a clue when I see it.
I figure it was either aliens or apples.
I did not see any aliens so it had to be them apples.
How about them apples!
Apples killed my uncle!
Here are some photos from the last couple years...
I'm gonna go have something with corn syrup and wheat gluten. Perhaps I'll lock my dog in the car for a while...
Edit: Uncle H, did not want his photo on the internet. What happens? He dies and it is everywhere. Didn't even put the censor bar across his eyes. I swear (or rather, I affirm) I'm going get a phone call from him and he is going to tell me to take his photo down. I'm going to be like, "but my brother did it! Your grand daughter did it! They ain't gonna listen to me, have Aunt Elsie tell them!"
(Not that anything like that has ever happened before...)
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Why I don't answer the phone on Sunday
There is a reason for this. A reason which sometimes must be reinforced.
You see, my daughter and wife feel that I could be a better person. I could be less grumpy and I should be happy and optimistic.
In fact, I got a lecture just this morning...
I was going to repeat my life philosophy of the positive attitude that is a result of my theory of diminished expectations, "if you expect the worst you are always pleasantly surprised as the worst never really happens-and if it does, why then you are prepared!"
So I am actually an optimist.
If I were an optometrist I would have more money, however.
But I chose not to argue. It was early in the morning. I had not had my oatmeal.
And so Sunday afternoon when the phone rang and I saw it was Scooter Boy I actually answered the phone.
His voice was weak and he was clearly in dire distress.
I briefly thought about pretending to be the answering machine but I thought there was a chance he had been kidnapped by aliens. If he was in fact kidnapped by aliens, it would be an incredible story and I certainly didn't want to miss that one!
However, it was just that his pigs were out and in the neighbor's field.
Scooter Boy had gone after the pigs without his slicker and he was wet and cold and about to succumb to hypothermia.
He insisted that he needed me to bring my four-wheeler.
I suggested that he go to the house and warm up while I attempted to find an empty pickup and load the durn thing without ramps.
He explained that he had already called a friend who knew a guy who was on a tour from Hawaii who had a border collie that he used to herd or chase wild pigs and they were on their way.
I asked if he was sure he needed a four-wheeler and he said he was desperate for a four-wheeler and the pigs would head for the next county if he didn't stay with them but he was about to die from the cold and if he didn't get help soon he would die from the cold.
I said I'd come over.
I looked at the thermometer, after all, we were having a typhoon and not a blizzard...
It was on the positive side of sixty-five degrees but who knows, perhaps Scooter Boy was nekked...
It took me a while to load the four-wheeler. I had to use my wife's truck and I couldn't pop a wheelie to get the front end of the four-wheeler up on the tailgate because I'm not that good a wheelie-popper and I didn't want to scratch the truck. Finally I got the forklift.
When I got Scooter-Ville, Scooter Boy was just getting out of the hot-tub.
He was quite excited.
He was almost positive that should he have remained in the cold and wind for another five minutes his core body temperature would have dropped. "That hot tub saved my life," he said.
"Where are the pigs," said I.
The pigs were in the neighbor's field. I suggested we call the neighbor. Scooter Boy did not have the phone number and he said AT&T was not working but the guy from Hawaii had showed up along with the owner of a local art gallery and they had this dog that they used to run pigs in Hawaii and where are my boots and I need to get my boots and this dog is really good and....
"You want me to call, I have the phone number," I said.
"Well, he probably isn't home and I have to find my boots and I got really cold and I could have died but that hot tub saved my life and I can get you a beer when we are done and thanks for the four wheeler and I have to leave for Greece in three days, and..."
So I called. No answer. Well that problem was solved.
The next problem was getting his boots and getting through the gates and getting to the pigs.
I gave him a ride on the four wheeler.
He didn't want to hang on to me because he thought I might find that "gay." However, offering me a beer to get in the hot tub with him is something he does without a thought.
We were not naked on the four wheeler, there is a fundamental difference...
But, we made it down the hill and to the ditch separating his farm from the neighbor's. He said it was just a small ditch and he walked on across. Mentioning in passing that he could have died if from exposure but for that hot tub.
The ditch was bottomless mud. I did not make it across.
On the far side I saw a couple people in slickers who seemed to be amused and annoyed all at the same time. They waved at me. I found out later that they were the neighbor's daughter and her husband. I suspect much humor will be had in the neighborhood at my expense over this incident.
So I parked the four wheeler and pulled my slicker hood up. I could hear the dog. It didn't seem to be making much progress.
It was a little chilly. I really wished that I would have found the pants to go with my slicker. Not that I was pants-less. Just that my insulated pants were now wet. Hypothermia did not set in. However, mild annoyance did start to affect my happiness.
Eventually the pigs started to emerge from the woods.
The art gallery dude and his young friend from Hawaii soon followed.
Scooter boy was running around, getting in front of the pigs and fixing fences. His horses also showed up. They were quite friendly.
Hawaii boy held up a mushroom and expressed great happiness! Everything started to make a lot more sense... Ah, hippies! I had almost forgotten exactly who I was dealing with. Why should I expect rational thought or good herdsmanship? I decided to simply revel in the randomness of the event. This made me much happier and I took a photo.
The dog was not Collieguy's dog.
The dog also embraced randomness. This did keep the pigs sort of bunched up but didn't really move them in any particular direction.
We did get them up to the barn where it was discovered that the fence was in shambles.
I was going to ask Scooter Boy if he had in fact disconnected the electric fence but then I though better of that idea.
I was very much entertained when he picked up the downed wire and it shocked the crap out of him.
Then I went and unplugged the fence.
Hawaii Five-O exclaimed that we are all shooting sparks. I didn't understand that statement at first, thinking it was reference to the electric fence, then I realized... shrooms! Oh yeah, nothing like a fresh shroom off of a cow turd to get you through rain storm.
So many things now made sense to me.
Mr. Art Gallery and Shroom-boy headed for the hot tub. I helped scooter boy fix the fence.
He offered me a beer and a soak in the tub.
I declined.
He did give me two dead chickens. They were plucked and shrink-wrapped.
He also mentioned that I possibly saved his life and that another five minutes in the cold would have killed him.
I noted that he was certainly lucky to be alive.
We loaded the four wheeler and I went home.
Shroom-boy was standing in the door way in his underwear holding a beer.
I went home and after warming up next to the new woodstove and having a cub of coffee and several slices of zucchini bread I went down the river and helped my brother pull the pump. He was almost done so that worked out pretty well also.
In other news, a friend of mine fell off his corn picker and broke his leg multiple times. This post is dedicated to him. Although I should note that the good painkillers make you constipated and laughing hurts like heck when you have stitches in your foot. That is why I wrote something not funny at all. At least if you were in the rain chasing pigs. Although seeing Scooter-Boy get shocked by the electric fence was quite entertaining.
Now I'm going to go and chop silage in the rain. I must remember to keep my core body temp up.
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
My appeal for money, and rain photos
I need to incorporate a really good emotional hook. Having some problems.... Especially since the real reason for my need for money is to buy a Lee Moses album,
Here it is so far...
Give my your money! I am a poor struggling farmer who need money to support his
I must buy a new colander to wear on my head to protect myself from aliens who want to steel my brain in order to create banjo playing robots. This could mean the end of the human race as we know it because, I DON'T PLAY THE BANJO!
I only need 1.2 million dollars! (this is only a one time donation of $1 for 1.2 million people.)
While the colander may cost slightly less, the family dog has fatty tumors and my require surgery again. He is a good dog.
I think it will work...
In other news:
It is now raining... Here is a photo from the day before yesterday. See the nice young fellow who is helping me spread fertilizer. He is an energetic young farmer who is not depressed at all. He loves farming.
Here is a photo from yesterday. I'm getting ready to vacuum out the drill. It is raining. I'm setting in the pickup attempting to warm up.
Here is a photo out the window of the tractor whilst planting orchardgrass for a pasture. There was a nice rainbow. Someone stopped and took my photo framed by the rainbow. I imagine it is on facebook somewhere.
Friday, January 27, 2012
I went to the North West Ag Show
I may become a dealer for a mineral supplement. If I think I can make money with only a 15% mark up. I am not sure this is good thing for me as I tend to knock a few dollars off for people just to build empathy.
You can check it out at www.grolicks.com
I am interested as there is nothing really like it on the market. It lets you give grass fed beef a little extra protein, minerals, and energy in the winter when the grass is not so good. Grass fed beef is what sells here. Grain fed is bad. Unless I am eating it... Grass fed is marketing BS...
Speaking of Marketing BS, right next to the grolicks guy were these guys who sell a device which exposes your irrigation water to magnetism. That is why I got started talking to Mr. Grolicks. I got bored with their speech after I found out the price.
They had photos and charts and all sorts of proof that it works. It does sound amazing. It softens hard water and I am sure it would grow the hair back on my bald spot that is always covered by a cap.
We listened to the speech and my brother held up one of the devices for a 1" line. They had them for 1" up to 8" water lines. They were little tubes with permanent magnets in them.
The fellow said it was "six" for the one my brother had and "8" for the big one. Or something like that. It was not $6 nor was it $60 or even $600. Not it was $6,000 and $8,000. And that is where he lost me.
I would rather $6,000 down on $30,000 worth of lime than $6,000 on a magnet in a plastic tube.
After hay selling moisture testers at the ag show for years and listening to people complain about the price of something you have to have, I was incredulous at the magnet booth. Actually, I bet you could make more money off spending $500 on a Delmhorst soil moisture tester and a couple boxes of gypson blocks and doing a good moisture management program than you could running your water through a magnet. Or $850 on an Acquaterr hand held probe which also has a built in pH meter.
But I digress...
Here is an example of the magnet scam...
Here is another discussion from HempUSA.com. (I think it is kind of funny)
Here is a disagreement...
I think I will try hooking up a few magnets to the water supply and see what happens. It will probably attract aliens. I worry about aliens...
Friday, April 10, 2015
I can't help myself and post anther rambling blog post full of misspellings and grammatical errors which doesn't make a lick of sense...
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Down with the ship? Bounty sinks, captain missing!
You can see that by reading the comments in this article about the recent sinking of the Bounty.
They made a dash for St. Petersburg when it was realized that Hurricane Sandy was going to be so big it would damage ships in port. I suppose it was a calculated risk.
When they lost power with their auxiliary diesel engines it was all over with.
The captain is missing and a historic ship is gone.
(Of course it is not the original HMS Bounty but rather a replica built in the 1960's for the movie.)
You all do realize this was a storm created by HARP to do something nefarious.
Affect the election in some way, or cover up the President's cover-up of his failure to rescue his formerly favorite ambassador or take away some basic freedom, or harken the end of the world.
I really hate it when I finish a field before I get to good parts in the Ground Zero broadcasts. (link takes you to KXL radio) I started to give you a link to the show website but the website is so full of stupid audio montages and flash crap that it locked up my browser. For cryin' out loud... MuddyValley can email me photos of a bear pooping in the woods, along with pictures of his entire herd of elk and it comes through fine, but I just want to find out about the end of the world and it locks up my computer. It is a conspiracy no doubt.
Anyway, here is info about Clyde Lewis. I would listen to him more if he didn't do those annoying audio montages. I get it... he can use a computer to edit sounds... good for him! After a while I start to get the idea he uses those montages to fill the dead air between commercials for gold and emergency preparedness kits.
I miss Art Bell.
But, I digress.
Here is another ship that sank. It was loaded with gold ore. Probably transported by aliens.
And...
Would someone please explain how screwing with the weather advances the one world government or what ever?
I get Katrina, the evil overlords hate Black people.
But Sandy the Frankenstorm?
They also hate Jersey Shore?
I suppose it will all unfold. It all makes so much more since when it is interpreted to me AFTER THE FACT.
Well, that is the answer... After the fact it will be Global Warming, and Gay marriage will somehow be mentioned. I mean, that is the pressing issue facing us today.
In other news I just got a message from "PayPal" indicating something is wrong with my account and I need to click on a link.
Um right...
It would be a lot more convincing if the scammers would study basic grammar. I looked at the return address and it was "PayPall", as in Pall of Doom?
| Information about Account Modifications |
| Valued |
| Because of new activity PayPal recently Withhold Your account and conversed it's type to Untrustworthy. You can view this Modifications by clicking this link and resolve this status. Once you are logged in, overview the Notifications section for the latest Account and Policy Updates. We also you to review the Policy Changes to acquaint yourself with all of the modifications that have been done. Sincerely, PayPal |
Wednesday, January 14, 2026
It started with the idea that most people act like the Sims in an old computer game, and then I go off subject
Why do groups of people do what they do and believe what they believe?
I have been watching the TV and I am completely amazed by the cultural divide and how both sides interpret events completely differently and in my opinion, completely wrong.
When I was in college I did a paper on the 100th Monkey. The study is now discredited but the idea was based on a study of monkeys on uninhabited islands. Supposedly when a certain number of monkeys on one island (one hundred) all started doing one behavior, then other monkeys on other isolated islands also started doing the behavior.
It was an idea of collective consciousness. Modern research does not support this concept but I wonder if it has merit. Especially after watching the progression of Trump Derangement Syndrome.
The Monkey Theory presumed there was no communication or observation, so the only way for the behavior to have been transferred was through shared consciousness.
I remember many years ago when I first played Sim City on my Machintosh SE. I stayed up half the night watching my city grow and trying to manipulate the Sims to move into my neighborhoods. The sound of Godzilla emerging from the ocean to wipe out my City still haunts my sleep. If you were to say, "Skywatch 1 Reporting Heavy Traffic," I would immediately recognize a kindred spirit.
Why did the Sims move in and why did the Sims move out? Obviously an algorithm in the game which I could never see.
I just read a post online talking about Oregon politics. Us conservatives go off on crazy liberals and vote by mail. Every lost election is a result of Vote By Mail fraud. I have been saying this as a joke for years but didn't realize Republicans actually believe this.
We as people believe things to be true based on something other than facts. In fact the very term, "The Cold Hard Facts of Life," (Check out Travis Chandlers version of this song) is biased to the perception of the person describing what they believe to be the cold hard facts of life.
The truth as I see it. (See what I did there)
We curate our intake of information to support what we need to rationalize our lives. We adopt deeply held beliefs for instinctive reasons that we don't understand.
What I find amazing is the manipulation of public perception. A major part of the public is convinced that ICE is arresting and deporting every brown skinned person they see.
Many people in my peer group believe ICE is only targeting criminals.
I have gotten in trouble for calling BS on this. Cops are cops and Feds are just cops with no accountability so they go after the low hanging fruit. They don't want to get shot going after gangsters, plus the gangsters probably have bought off someone higher up or the gang is a CIA front so gangsters are pretty safe. (Most Hispanics I know tend to agree with me)
So, being lazy, I asked CoPilot. "What are the statistics for number of innocents detained by ICE vs actual criminals." Note: I understand the phrasing of my question affects the answer of an AI source.
CoPilot gave me this statistic, "Current most authoritative data shows roughly three quarters of people detained by ICE have no criminal convections at all."
So I asked, "How often does ICE detain U.S. Citizens. CoPilot responded with a lot of incomplete statistics but I did manage to get this quote, "ICE's own systems have repeatedly misidentified citizens as, "removable aliens," leading to wrongful arrests and detentions."
The opposition says that only criminals are deported. Lars Larson gets to 100 percent illegal as he says every illegal is a criminal because they violated the law to get here. His usual lazy logic...
Well, that didn't go as expected...
I wanted to believe ICE was not as incompetent as I feared. I suppose now is the point where I question my sources and fall back on ideology. Plus, I have to go to work.
In conclusion...
1. Trump and Co. is screwing up the next election the same way he manage to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory six years ago. I was a little worried when I saw the Crazy MTG lady depart. The administration was tasked with deporting illegals. They failed to keep discipline and the usual Jackbooted Feds are doing what they always do. Going after the easy pickings.
2. I really dislike the Democrat establishment more than ever. Their cynical maneuver of open borders flooded us with illegals and switched our illegal immigration problem from individuals sneaking in at night, to cartels and major money in human smuggling and all the graft, corruption, drugs, and violence that comes with it.
3. Probably the only plan that the government is capable of carrying out with any success would be a lockdown of the border and general amnesty of people already here. However, it didn't work before due to an utter refusal by both parties to come up with a coherent immigration policy.
4. We are screwed...
On another topic
Why do the Cat and Dog always take my chair????
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| Animals do NOT belong in the house. |
Friday, February 23, 2024
Life in Slow Motion
Today I made a list of things to do. I doubt this will do anything but give me anxiety. My problem is that I seem to be moving in slow motion. There are things I can do an a lot of things I don't want to do and most things I do slowly.
I started by organizing my books for tax purposes. I just need to get a few more things together before visiting the accountant. I keep forgetting what I have and have not finished and then thinking of something else unrelated that needs to be accomplished.
I want to go visit a friend who had heart surgery and I need to go to the big city and see my daughter. I also have a Briggs engine on an air compressor that needs attention. It is blowing gasoline out of the intake and it will not start without liberal doses of ether. It is an 11 hp industrial with electric start. I have seriously debated installing a GTX 390 Clone which is branded Rhino. The Carroll Stream Motor Company has them on sale with free shipping but I am kind of broke. No feed sales and no planting means no income for Budd E. Shepherd... Plus, I can't get the stupid unemployment payments to work.
The cleverness of the State Of Oregon is unmatched. I assume the recruit from Sinfield University HR department. I missed reporting jobs because I was in the hospital with a broken leg. I was supposed to prove my identity at a Worksource Oregon office, but I was unable to drive because I have a broken leg. I am supposed to apply for jobs which I cannot do with a broken leg. I am unwilling to go sit on waiting room chairs because my broken leg is broken where it attaches to my arse and it hurts.
The illustrious State Of OR is changing their unemployment reporting system at the end of February. To get a jump on things they just made all the old information phone numbers dead end, but because it is no yet March 4th, the new number is not connected.
But, I digress.
I had a list...
Perhaps I will just ignore it all and hobble down the highway. Or take the gator to the river. The goose aliens from Canada have destroyed the new alfalfa field. Perhaps I can encourage them to return to the land of Vintage Mercury Automobiles with a few random Russian Surplus 7.62x39 mm. Actually, since our dear leader has declared his former buddy from 50 years ago a Crazy SOB and shut down imports of surplus ammunition, 7.62 is quite valuable.
Speaking of genius administrative abilities... In order to financially ruin the Russians over their MILITARY invasion of the Ukraine, Uncle Joe stopped the import of Russian ammunition to the USA. This certainly demonstrates a clever understanding of supply and demand. So the Russian military uses ammunition, but Russia also exports ammunition. So, if you refuse to buy Russian Ammunition this will result in less Ammunition for the Russian military? Correct?
Speaking of other genius administrations... I just got an invitation to join the Sinfield University Staff Assembly Meeting. Perhaps I have been rehired but no one got around to telling me. I did get a text from a grounds department person. No one knows how to use the spinner fertilizer spreader. I had to laugh.
Have a happy day. Perhaps I will go look for more sticks to pick up on the alfalfa fields.
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Corn Pictures for the corn curious
Monday, December 7, 2009
Christmas Issue
Possible headines-Uncle Ted nominated to Accountant Hall of fame. Located in ???? LF's accountant of the year since 1942 joins such accountant luminaries as ??? and ???.
Aliens abduct somewhat dependable employee. Given body and brain transplant. Now shows up on Mondays.
Uncle Harold gets five barrels of floordry for Christmas, wonders what he did wrong. "Traditionally we were given chunks of coal," he said.
I need a major news story, a feature, and a couple small sidebars. Oh and letters to the editor. I can make those up. I should add an out of date schedule for Flying Pig Banjo and Fiddle.
Perhaps a story of editor winning safe farmer of the year award and photos of my open belt hammer mill.
Hmmm. Somthing to think about today.
Friday, March 30, 2012
I have nothing to say...
The river has flooded once again.
Once again I have not moved my old IH truck. There should be a good half inch of mud in the transmission and rear ends. So... if Ralph wants any gauges or truck parts he had better let me know. Not that I will actually get around to scrapping it, but I will think about it every so often, which is just as good-except for the money/income part. It is kind of how I deal with my non-addiction to playing the lottery. I just think I might win, despite the fact that I never play...
I listened to "longhair" music at the far end of the dial last night. The wife and child are gone to the beach for spring break. That is one trip that didn't turn out quite like expected. However, the Oregon coast is pretty neat in a storm. Obviously you are not going to walk on the beach but you can go stir crazy playing pictionary in the hotel room whilst the horizontal rain blasts the windows with the force of a midlevel Harbor Freight pressure washer...
If gas was not so expensive I feel like I'm riding Mr. Garrisons bicycle every time I fill up I would drive out there.
Speaking of Mr. Garrison... I lost the check for my Disk Mower, and had to drive into Salem last night to get another one. I took the guy some spare parts I had found, which ought to pay for the "stop payment" on the old check. I do not know how I could lose a check that I was that proud of. I never let it out of my site except for that missing
Aliens? Hot Russian spy with mind blocking drugs?
Probably I hit my head on something... Cell phone radiation... The Ledge...
I don't know.
I guess I will wander outside and wait for the neighbor to tell me that my truck is underwater again...
I was not meant to be a farmer.
Saturday, April 6, 2013
It is not left vs right or Republican vs Democrat, it is only absurdity.
Click here and look around for a while...
So let put the USA preparedness scheme into perspective.
We get the first successful terrorist attack on American soil. Ho does the gubment prepare for the future?
1. Instruct people what to do in case of a hi-jacking?
2. Start a civil defense program based what to do in case of an emergency, as in places to go in case of crisis, (on your own-not at the point of a gun) Or perhaps volunteer programs in local communities to practice and prepare of evacuations or food distribution or what to do with no electricity, you know basic stuff?
3. Actually control borders.
4. Stockpile emergency supplies in case of flood, fire, hurricane, terrorist attack?
5. Anything sensible?
What they did...
1. Homeland security? A police force that goes around annoying people, turning the USA into a police state, NOT actually stop a single terrorist.
2. Strange FEMA camps and they bought a lot of plastic coffins.
3. Sold guns to Mexican gangs
4. Stockpiled a billion rounds of ammo and bought APC's.
5. Gave huge grants to local fire departments to buy new fire trucks...
6. Fusion centers to collect information on people who are not really a threat to anyone but free coffee at Denny's but not to distribute supplies or information in case of an emergency.
What happened when there was a crisis?
Remember the last hurricane?
And now we find out everyone in authority lied about the radiation from the nuclear meltdown. A meltdown that is still going on.
Insanity...
And you all thought the guy who talked to aliens was insane!
Thursday, December 29, 2011
In one breath they talk about farmer's living on government welfare
What does it mean when farmland is worth more than what you can grow on it?
What does it mean when the Portland Pravda finally figures out what I have had the bitter experience of knowing for the past decade?
Why do I do it and why do I desperately want some ground of my very own?
So the usual topic is how farmers live off of government assistance and subsidies and now their ground is worth more than the crops they raise.... Just where is this train of thought going?
And why do I feel a continual sense of unease?
(aside from that ever present threat of aliens abducting farmers)
Thursday, September 5, 2013
King Kong at the Great White Barn- Maybe
It has not arrived.
I should not bid on things late at night after working all day...
I am 90 percent positive it has sound.
When it arrives I plan on showing it on the side of the barn that is across the road from my house. I will, of course, not invite anyone till the last moment...if at all.
However, if you see this notice, consider yourself tentatively invited...
The weekend of September 20th, on a Saturday evening. I have not looked at the calendar.
Things that will influence the showing of this movie...
1. If I forget
2. If it does not arrive
3. If it has no sound
4. If I drop the projector again and bust the bulb
5. If it rains
6. If aliens abduct me and don't return me in time for the movie
7. If I have to bale hay or chop silage or something farming related
8. If the rest of you are raptured and I get 20 feet in the air and say "oh #$%^&*" and fall back down to earth I will be too depressed to show the movie and will take to drinking in a big way.
Things that will not prevent me showing the movie...
1. roaming pole thieves stealing all the electric poles. I have several generators
2. earthquakes and pestilence- I have a generator and a bug zapper and gas masks
3. no one showing up to watch it...
Check out this girl playing guitar!
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Is there a competition for the most depressing country western song?
Last words, "I love you all, Goodbye"
I would like to take this opportunity to state that I am opposed to the death penalty, as applied. I get the point of it. But the death penalty (as well as most other "punishment" by the state) is not a punishment for a crime. Rather it is an expression of the power of the government. Likewise a "guilty" verdict or a conviction does not mean you committed a crime it just means "the state" has decided you did it and proof of innocence does not have to change the "state's" decision. It guilt or innocence doesn't matter as the individual doesn't matter. All that matters is that there is an example shown of what will happen if you are convicted of committing this crime. We, with our pathetic need to believe in justice, tie the punishment in as proof of guilt of the aforementioned crime.
It is psychological warfare to subdue the populace, meaning you and I... Pretty clever ain't it?
That is why they shoot your dog when they come for you to send you in for a little re-education.
The crime is merely chosen from a check list of possible options. If you have a computer it can be images of the underage, if guns then an assault rifle, and now they have the terrorism laws.
Wow! I can't believe I just wrote that, I have got to stop listening to KBOO and Alex Jones. I am getting my paranoia all mixed up with conflicting ideology.
I have got to clear my head!
And so in honor of my latest subscriber who I am certain found me because of my fondness for the legendary stardust cowboy I give you...
I am so off subject!
Click here to see the new follower's blog.
It appears she may live in Oregon. I don't know if I should try to sell her chicken and pick food or keep a low profile so no one finds out I am actually a pudgey 20 year-old in a rundown apartment in Portland with gender confusion issues...
I've got to go to work...
Have a nice day...
Friday, October 18, 2013
One (almost) sane voice in the House and they drag her out...
What a lesson in knowing when to stop talking! One step too far and you go from a prophet to a nut. Which is not to say I am convinced she is completely wrong, it is just that some things you can't say out loud.
Here is the best transcript of her quote:
The USA calls out to God all the time. "In God We Trust," is the motto found on our money. The government has ceremonial prayers.
But the real god of the gubment and the USA in general is (probably Plutus) is money and graft and that is the problem.
The house stenographer has to sit through all the BS, she hears it all. Don't you think it is all going to build up after a while?
If you read the quotes in the news you don't see the whole quote. The talkers were all going on about what the lady was talking about and trying to spin it as a condemnation on the Republicans.
However, it is not that complex. It is an anti-abortion rant. Anti-abortion folks get no respect. Abortion is one of the sacraments of the new religion and we try not to talk about it.
If only she would have said:
"He Will not be mocked, You cannot serve two masters, Praise be to God, Lord Jesus," now that would have been the Word OF God!
I could have understood that message from God. You can't call on the name of God, you can't call yourself a Nation Under God and violate every directive found in the Bible. You can't claim to be a country of freedom with a constitution supposedly based on the Word of God and the best aspects of Classic Western Civilization and then completely violate every aspect of it.
Now that would have been a speech!
**Note**
To make this post clear for any clever nonbelievers cruising the blogosphere let me expand on the obvious. You could say that "God" represents more than a deity, you could say that "God" as used in this context could be collection of classical beliefs and ideas representing concepts such as honor, truth, the ten commandments, love, mercy, AND forgiveness and redemption. Those are the ideals "Christian" people aspire to believe in. It you substitute this idea for your anger about having to got to Sunday School as a child it helps you join in the conversation past your "God is a fairytale" rant...
***Further Note*** The above paragraph is in no way supposed to be a correct theological interpretation or blasphemous so stanch Christians should not get their knickers in a knot..
Also, by Friday morning much of this story has gone into the "Memory Hole." I lost my links to stories I found last night. If you want to know more you all know how to use GoDuckGo.com!
Sunday, January 9, 2022
Existential Illnesses are the Worst kind
I think this is more than just a simple Chinese engineered virus that I don't have. I wonder if I have finally been abducted by aliens or I was abducted years ago and a programming switch has been pulled or maybe this is what getting old looks like.
It hit me this morning.
I went to bed at 8 p.m, last night. I thought about going to bed and sleep all day. Much of the day I spent working on my wife's Kia Soul. It is the newest vehicle I ever have partially owned. It has been a great experience. I avoid driving it. But one rainy and cold night I drove it and I backed into the Forklift. It is the very same Forklift that I left I the way that afternoon and said to myself. I have left the Forklift in the way. It was a really stupid thing to do. It probably precipitated my illness. Perhaps I am just dying of shame.
The crash broke the plastic bumper cover and it cost my my remaining HiFi and random Sprayer Controller purchasing fund eBay allowance to buy a new cover. I got the cover partially off and discovered that I also munched the fiberglass 5 mph bumper and the new cover wouldn't fit. So I taped it back with Gorilla Tape and zip ties and I now I must spend another $150.
I also spent most of yesterday talking to random people who were looking for my brother who is on some sort of vacation. I must remember to keep the shop door closed. Or not be so darned interesting and likable.
But, I digress...
I felt like crap this morning. Which is every boring in recent memory. I went back to bed because I could and I don't fear disapproval. (I thought) My wife went to church. This caused me enough guilt ruin my nap and force me to get up and get Sunday dinner started. I found a couple steaks, they were frozen solid. This was predictable as I found them in the Freezer. Not to be put off by a mere technicality, I liberally coated them with salt and worcheschire sauce and stuck them in the Traeger with a load of hemp pellets to dry thaw them out.
I retreated to my Barcalounger to recoup. I reviewed my options for the day.
My lovely and gracious wife has finally objected to the over abundance of HiFi crap located around the living room and wants me to make room for a few plants by the window. I looked at the array of mid-century awesomeness and decided to put on a record. I was looking for Tom Petty, because that is just who I am, but then for some reason thought of hot girls from the 80's and inappropriate sexual relationships that were cool back then but would put you into jail today. That lead to Maria McKee and I took to the "L" section where I found Claudine Longer, "Lets spend the night together." Skipped right by Marianne Faithful, not in the "L" section.
I cued up the Red-O-Kut and the Scott 299 tube amp and sat down to read blogs. If she sings in French again I am going to faint.
I think I have finally cracked up....
Possibly I have time traveled to 1963?
And after a quick search wondering what happened to the singer corrupted by Tom Petty band member and U2, I discovered that of course the inevitable happened. She gained weight and she went 21st Century. I guess that is one way to deal with getting old...
I think I will go build a mail box stand to replace the one that just fell over. This is one screwed up world...
Have a nice day...
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