The Useful Duck!

Contribute to my Vacation, please...

Sunday, January 9, 2022

Existential Illnesses are the Worst kind

I think this is more than just a simple Chinese engineered virus that I don't have. I wonder if I have finally been abducted by aliens or I was abducted years ago and a programming switch has been pulled or maybe this is what getting old looks like. 

It hit me this morning. 

I went to bed at 8 p.m, last night. I thought about going to bed and sleep all day. Much of the day I spent working on my wife's Kia Soul. It is the newest vehicle I ever have partially owned. It has been a great experience. I avoid driving it. But one rainy and cold night I drove it and I backed into the Forklift. It is the very same Forklift that I left I the way that afternoon and said to myself. I have left the Forklift in the way. It was a really stupid thing to do. It probably precipitated my illness. Perhaps I am just dying of shame. 

The crash broke the plastic bumper cover and it cost my my remaining HiFi and random Sprayer Controller purchasing fund eBay allowance to buy a new cover. I got the cover partially off and discovered that I also munched the fiberglass 5 mph bumper and the new cover wouldn't fit. So I taped it back with Gorilla Tape and zip ties and I now I must spend another $150. 

I also spent most of yesterday talking to random people who were looking for my brother who is on some sort of vacation. I must remember to keep the shop door closed. Or not be so darned interesting and likable.

But, I digress...

I felt like crap this morning. Which is every boring in recent memory. I went back to bed because I could and I don't fear disapproval. (I thought)  My wife went to church. This caused me enough guilt ruin my nap and force me to get up and get Sunday dinner started. I found a couple steaks, they were frozen solid. This was predictable as I found them in the Freezer. Not to be put off by a mere technicality, I liberally coated them with salt and worcheschire sauce and stuck them in the Traeger with a load of hemp pellets to dry thaw them out. 

I retreated to my Barcalounger to recoup. I reviewed my options for the day. 

My lovely and gracious wife has finally objected to the over abundance of HiFi crap located around the living room and wants me to make room for a few plants by the window. I looked at the array of mid-century awesomeness and decided to put on a record. I was looking for Tom Petty, because that is just who I am, but then for some reason thought of hot girls from the 80's and inappropriate sexual relationships that were cool back then but would put you into jail today. That lead to Maria McKee and I took to the "L" section where I found Claudine Longer, "Lets spend the night together." Skipped right by Marianne Faithful, not in the "L" section.

I cued up the Red-O-Kut and the Scott 299 tube amp and sat down to read blogs. If she sings in French again I am going to faint.

I think I have finally cracked up....

Possibly I have time traveled to 1963?

And after a quick search wondering what happened to the singer corrupted by Tom Petty band member and U2, I discovered that of course the inevitable happened. She gained weight and she went 21st Century.  I guess that is one way to deal with getting old...

I think I will go build a mail box stand to replace the one that just fell over. This is one screwed up world...

Have a nice day...


  1. Yup, pretty screwed up. Although looking on the bright side, all this virus that shall not be named stuff has allowed me to get closer to my life long goal of becoming a hermit.

    1. I would agree with that. The secret to happiness in life is controlled access.

  2. For someone who thinks he is on his last legs you seem to be getting a lot done in between naps. In reality it is probably just old age creeping up on you. I treasure my naps.

    Grace and peace

    1. I suspect many factors. I find politics, local, national, and international pretty depressing. A friend who subscribes to the other Abrahamic religion invited me for coffee and to discuss end of the world. The signs match. Not to be too superstitious. But there ain't no way I just got old last month!

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. It's been a weeks since I read any of the four blogs I follow. One guy has not posted but he had a stroke or something and uses that as an excuse. The guy that lives in his car in the AZ desert has a bad heart and no insurance and is considering taking nitro by boofing. The Alaska guy who lives in a shack had a colonoscopy, one polyp. Getting old sneaks up on you. Personally I find it sort of a bi-polar thing...worrying about everything and really not caring about anything. My right shoulder, right ankle and right knee have gross arthritis. Fortunately I am left handed. You probably have COVID. Ivermectin does not work and will ruin any future you'd like to have with your daughter, wife, dog and Gator.

    1. Bloggers are all old. Think how many people have died. My friends, Frank W. James, the gun writer, Ed Winkle who was the nicest guy you would ever meet and was a huge proponent of conservation farming, Gene Logsden who was my favorite farm writer. I really suspect I have the dreaded plague as I have most of the signs and I require 12 hrs of sleep each day. Also, seasonal depression disorder as I am a different person when the sun comes out.


Tell me what you think

Please leave comments! It is really easy!

You just type your comment in the text box below the post. You can be anyone you want.
And...Would the joker who keeps clicking "offensive" please leave an explanation ?!