I visit the Emergency room and stay high for four days!

You think you are invincible and then suddenly you find out you are not.

I took this picture when I first arrived in the ER. I still have my clothes. The clock says 9 pm.

There are certainties in life. If you put new tires on your tractor something will go wrong. If you paint your tractor you will have to pull the engine. Apparently, if you finally buy a new pickup, the first new vehicle in your life, you will suffer life changes...

Loyal readers will note that I parked the lovely and gracious Mrs. Shepherd's new pickup in the barn Tuesday night so it wouldn’t have ice on windshield when it was time to go her job, that is high paying and more satisfying than the one I had for eight years.

At 6 am Wednesday I walked out to barn to warm her truck and move it to the driveway. I knew there was freezing rain but I am from Oregon, I laugh (cautiously) at freezing rain.

I made it halfway when I hit wet ice.

Down I went.

So I was stuck halfway to the barn and I could only think of two things. First, “I’ve fallen and i can’t get up,” secondly, the lady I used to work with is going to say (in her old lady voice) you broke your hiiiiiip….

I did not think that i broke my hip. It was my knee that hurt.
The opposite knee that I messed up last week.

So I found a scoop shovel and used it as a crutch to get to gate and Mrs. helped me the rest of the way. She laid down bath towels so we walked on them to house. It was that slick on the snow.

Wednesday I sat in my chair with heat and ice.
My wife worried about me all day and made an appointment at Kaiser Salem for Thursday morning. (The Salem office is about 45 minutes from my home.)

Thursday morning I swung my legs out of bed with very little pain. I was using a mop handle for a crutch as the weather was too nasty to slog out to the barn for a real crutch. I had my coffee and went to the bathroom. It was a little painful. Certain logistical movements had to be though out first but I did fine. I put on sweat pants and socks by myself.

I was convinced that there was no possible way that I had broken anything. I could even put weight on my leg. Only old folks break a hip.

We got to Salem. I am walking ok with a real crutch. 
We get an x-ray and discuss it with my Dr. who says I can go home. The x-ray lady seemed skeptical. I was also having a lot more problems getting around. I had pain from my groin to my knee. But, my knee no longer felt twisted and yet I still couldn't walk.

I was happy to be home. I got back up the steps with some difficulty and into my chair with relief, I was sore. My wife got me some pills. I felt better.

My wife was just leaving for work when the Doctor called me. He thinks I am ok but just in case, I need a CT scan. There just might be a little crack. He says he has put in a rush for the CT so I will need to wait for the lab to call me.

The lab calls right away. I need to be back in Salem in two and a half hours. I try to stall till four pm because I hurt and my wife needs to at least cover for her boss so that the boss can get lunch. The lady asks me if I am declining my scan. Because the next appointment is at a different lab that is further away. 

Finally I just say I will be there at 2:45 pm and figure I will arrive when I arrive. Wife goes to work so Boss can have lunch. I go to sleep.

In the rush to get out the door and to the CT scan department on time, my cell phone gets dropped. (on the back porch actually)

We arrive in time for the scan. It goes really fast and we leave. My wife wants to get a few groceries on the way home. I was setting in the pickup and I started to worry.

When she returned I looked up the Kaiser Permanente  app on her phone and looked at the CT results which were posted online. It discussed a possible fracture where the ball transitions to the femur!

We arrive home. Her phone rings. It is my doctor. He says we need to go directly to an emergency room supported by Kaiser Permanente. The best and closest is an hour north.

My phone is laying on the back steps where I was getting into the truck. It has four missed calls from the Doctor.

My resourceful wife puts the groceries away and packs food and water and off we go. I am no longer sure of the time but it was still daylight.  I never got out of the truck. As soon as I heard "broken," the pain set back in.

We arrived at the Emergency room after dark. There was pretty tight security. The admitting lady was behind bullet proof glass. She was not a happy and cheerful lady. Fortunately my doctor had called ahead. Still, I sat in the ER lobby with people dying of plague for an hour. 

We met a nice older lady who had also fallen on the ice and hit her head. Her assisted living facility had. sent her to the ER by ambulance and she was on her own. She had strong opinions. It was a nice chat.

But our doctor had called ahead so there was a room reserved for me in the ER. They suggested I eat as i was on the schedule for surgery the next day and I couldn't eat after midnight.
Then they  took my clothes and  hooked me up to an EKG and started saline and drugs. I kept telling the staff, "it only hurts if I move and you won't let me move so I don't need drugs," and they would say it I just would swallow this one and they would put a little more in my IV and I would be fine.

I thought my wife was going to get a hotel next door so I got her to leave. Turns out she slept in her truck, The ice storm returned and she didn't feel like driving.

At 2 am the power went out.  When the generator kicked in all the alarms on every monitor in every room in the ER went off. 

Then the fire alarm went off. One of those calm female voices that alway herald doom in disaster movies was repeating, "Code red in Mechanical room 5."

I could hear the nurses talking. "You think there really is a fire?" The other nurse thought it was a drill. No one really knew what to do. No one knew the password for the computer.  Finally it was decided that it was just something to do with the generator.

Next, a lady started wandering around screaming that "they" took her water. This was the only hospital open due to the ice storm and ambulances were bringing in people constantly. (There were unfortunates lined up on gurneys in the halls. I was fortunate to have my own tiny room.)

I heard the nurses talking. Apparently she had spiked it her water bottle with Valium. She said she had a prescription. If so I suppose that could be liquid, otherwise it was just a crushed pill.
Security was called, as soon as security cornered her she started yelling, "rape." I heard the nurses discussing a strategy, They gave her food and shipped her off to jail. 

I was in the tiny room for 24hrs. Periodically my monitor would go off for no reason. I was on a combo of pain pills that included Morphine shot into my IV and Oxycodone and was just in kind of a daze. I would say, "no it doesn't hurt, I am not moving," and then I would take more drugs.

At some point my wife returned. At some point a surgeon came in and said I had a fractured femur. This means at some point there was an x-ray taken. At some point my daughter arrived. My wife and daughter took a break and came back with left overs from Dim Sum. This was awesome as the hospital food was not the best. Then, at some point I was moved to a different room. 

My new neighbor was a pioneer in the Oregon Wine industry. He was a very nice guy who had just had gall bladder surgery. His stomach had not started working but he was not aware. When we got supper he ordered a lot of foods like pudding and fruit juice and then he spent the night in pain.

I was given food and a doctor came to consult. I suspect this was Friday. I am not sure as there seemed to be more pain medication involved. I know I had a 12 hour fast, again, and I know my room mate spent the night sick as a dog.

Saturday morning I had the surgery. My surgeon tried to talk me into a spinal injection. Spinal's hurt like heck and then if you don't get the right drugs you remember what they do to you. He almost had me convinced. I had one more consultation with a person dressed in white. This person could have been an angel. This person discussed the operation and supported my need for a full knockout. I think it was the nurse who came to transport me. I also have this feeling that my nurses were highly entertained when conversing with me. I was as high as a kite.  Perhaps I should go back and read my cell phone text conversations from this time period for a more accurate understanding.

Anyway....

I must now drag myself to the restroom. And by drag I mean teeter on crutches.

Next installment will relate my surgery, my new roommate, and how I got sent home something like two days too soon.  Keep in mind I was highly medicated but I didn't really understand how high I was. My only clue was having trouble remembering things and concentrating. This is kind of a normal problem for me.

I am not sure that the Hospital's pain management theory is exactly on point. It does work to give you Oxy to kill the pain and stool softeners to cure the Oxy side effects and I do love morphine, but I was actually called on to make health care decisions.

Have a nice day...