The Lazy Farmer is back! (in bed)

"There is a dark cloud hovering behind every silver lining," said everyone's favorite, sometimes a great blogger, never a great groundskeeper, somewhat Lazy Farmer, Mr. Budd E. (educateded)  Shepherd. 

Mr. BS had just got the text from the Lovely and Gracious Mrs. Shepherd that the pan was on the griddle and was racing for his dinner when his feet and the earth became discombobulated and he landed in the center of a large mud puddle.

Always a bit prone to conspiracies and hyperbole, the intrepid sprinter did in fact have a theory.

"I was swerving to avoid the Diversity, Equity, and Indoctrination secret police when they zapped me with the pink ray. I narrowly averted changing pronouns," said Mr. Shepherd. "Stop drop and roll, it will save you every time," he exclaimed. 

Other sources which wish to remain anonymous but could have been watching say Mr. Shepherd should not have been running at his advanced age and might also be just a touch on the loony side. "All that time stripping hemp seems to affected his tenuous grip on reality," reported our source.

Mr. Shepherd eventually confessed to the foolishness of his actions, but offered this explanation.

"If I get there in time Mirandy let's me lick the spoon," he said.

The Lazy farmer is now propped up in bed with a heating pad, a bottle of pills, and not nary a drop of old number seven.

"I do appreciate the lovely and gracious Mrs. Shepherd taking care of me before she went to work but these pills are something else. Hard to get the foil off and it takes two classes of water to get them down!"

Mr. Lazy F says he does in fact have a plan for recovery. "In the panty there is hemp tonic, lots and lots of hemp tonic. I could bathe in hemp tonic. As soon as I can actually get out of bed I shall self medicate!"

Sometimes the best plan is, "Hang it to Houston and Hammer Down!" To quote a dear departed friend. Of which there seems to be more and more of these days. Departed, that is...

In other news, the supposed "retirement," of Mr. Shepherd has been less relaxing than planned. 

"For eight years my plan has been to quit my job and sit in the hot tub all day while my wife works, then act like I actually did something. But the hot tub is cold and there was dishes to do and then I put the bacon on the wrong self and got grease inside the oven and then the tarp blew off my motorcycle hiding tent, and there was cool stuff at harbor freight, and then I started working on a tractor, but got distracted and started cleaning my shop, and then I rebuilt a hydraulic motor, then the tractor ran out of diesel right when I wanted to test the motor, and so I had to bleed the lines and then I got distracted by the 66 Ford pickup my nephews got running for me and I started that, and then I was late for my dinner... It's a rough life," rambled Mr. Shepherd.

Plans for the future include, actually getting out of bed... Fulfilling multiple chicken feed orders, replacing bushings in the no-till drill, and scaring geese off the annual ryegrass fields.

But not today.... Perhaps tomorrow...