Up all night?

I'm feeling a little tense. It is 11:00 and I'm wide awake. Daughter is having a sleep over tomorrow for her 8th birthday. I've been enlisted to show movies on the side of the big white barn across the road. Can't decide between "Revenge of the Pagans," or Gene Autry in, "Melody Trail." Think I'll go for Gene for the season opener.
Wanted to take S. to the antique tractor day at the Yamhill Country Historical Society. I even have a tractor to drive in the parade. Her friends are arriving at noon tomorrow and leaving Sunday. Sunday is the Gem and Mineral show. We like that show. Especially the people who dress up like wizards and are looking for crystals. That and the fossilized poop. That is pretty cool. Probably won't do any of that this year...
That is not why I'm tense. Probably the feeling of hopelessness that comes from not having my work done, knowing we will probably not make any money this year, thinking I won't have the cash for my $10,000 drill payment, and life in general.
I've been trying to help a young fellow who works for me at times. He has rented some ground and bought a baler and tractor. He is in way over his head. I've been trying to find him some farming jobs and some hay jobs for next year. Have not been having much luck. Will probably bale as much as I can in small two-tie bales so I can give him work baling. Wish he would not have bought a $32,000 tractor to pull his baler with. That is a hard payment for him to make.
Today my brother and I went south to get an engine for my White 3-135. Took us 2 hours to pull the engine. It turns over and doesn't have water in the old. The tractor did sit outside for a few years but it was running good when parked. Have a notion just to drop it in.
Hauled the six cylinder Hercules and the three-speed hydra-shift all in one piece. Made the pickup squat a bit.
Got in big discussion about POLITICS with my neighbor.
I'm laying under my drill working on the fertilizer tubes. Liquid fertilizer is dripping on my head. The v-openers are razor sharp. I've hurt myself.
"Whatcha doing? Can I get you a pepsi?"
"What the @#$%^ does it look like I'm doing?"
"You seem a little tense, come over to my house and have a beer."
I think: "Yes you guessed it. I am just killing time so you will invite me to your house for a beer. I have nothing else to do. I just like to lay under large pieces of farm equipment and slice myself with sharp objects. A beer! Whoopie! Now just that offer will make my day complete!"
So, somehow he got onto politics. As a committed democrat he has the whole line down pretty well. He knows he has suffered persecution do to his Obama sticker on the bumper of his VW."
I listened to this all for a while and then opined...
"The reason people out in the countyr don't like people who have Obama stickers on their cars is because they know if you see someone with that sticker, that person is going to annoy you."
Neighbor: "Bushes falt, blah, blah, blah. Intollerant hicks, blah blah balh.."
Me: "Well, if you really want to know it is because people with Obama stickers on their cars generally don't know when to shut the f... up!"
Neighbor: "You seem a little grumpy today."
And you know he didn't shut up. We discussed politics untill I finally crawled out from under the drill.
The thing is this, I'm not all that "conservative." I just want to be left alone.
I resent the ideological manipulation of the left. For example: we are all forced into arguing the wrong arguments-If you are against illegal immigration then you are against Mexicans. I generally like Mexicans. I generally don't care if they are legal are illegal as long as they are hard working and friendly and don't steal from me I'm fine. I treat Jose with respect because he deserves respect. It is true that I did fire him but I found him another job and he did break two axles in a row through stupidity...
But, I don't like unrestricted illegal immigration and exploitation of Mexicans so big companies and nurserys can make money, and so they can vote for Obama.
I think it is funny that guns are going back across the border. So now the Mexican goverment knows how it feels. We get drugs, they get guns.
I'm not opposed to gun regulations in theory. I think people should have to take a safety course before owning something that you can kill someone with. And I am opposed to killing anyone for any reason. I'm not sure I could even do it in self defense. However, I oppose any effort by the goverment to regulate guns in any way because I don't trust the government. Why should I?
Then he went off on the tea parties. He had to make the tea-bag joke. I think my dad is the only person who doesn't get that joke. Pretty funny, hah, hah. (You should hear the jokes we make about your new messiah...) I think the recent anti-tax protests are amazing. I can't believe that these regular sorts of very moderate people are out holding signs.
Of course the neighbor says it is all a put-up by the republican party. After all it was Bush's fault we are in this mess. I pointed out that McCain didn't get elected either. Of course that was Sarah P's fault and that McCain is an old guy.
So what if Fox sponsored a few of those protests? I don't think the main stream republican party has a clue what to do with those people. They really don't fit the activist stereotype.
So do all democrats think those of us who dissent. Who live out here in the country and just want to be left alone are a bunch of idiots? I've been to college. I've read 60's literature. I understand the "one step forward, two steps back" Leninst crap. I can tell when I'm being marginalized, pandered to, talked down to and generally screwed. No, I'm not going to dig into the box of ammo and join some silly group, I'll just keep putting one foot in front of the other, I'll be polite. Somehow I'll resist.
I had a book as a child. Was about a little old lady who lived in a little cottage and grew roses. They wanted to put a highway through her house but she wouldn't move. They had to move the highway. She is my hero.
Of course into day's world they would condemn her house and put her in an old folks home.
Perhaps that is why I'm in a funk...
Whatever... I'm going to bed.