The Useful Duck!

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Tuesday, July 6, 2010

I plant garbozo beans for Jose and he brings booze

Every year I plant an acre of garbonzo beans for Jose. It hardly ever works. This is because: 1. I am not a very good farmer, 2. Jose thinks they should be planted like they did it in Mexico. Plow with a horse, spread the beans by hand, drag a tree branch over the field to cover the beans.
Now, you must understand that Jose does not get the best ground for planting Chick Peas. It is usually a wet corner of a field that we couldn't plant earlier. This is not the way to grow the beans. They need a bit of a longer growing season than is provided when you plant the last week in June. Also, I think it is too wet when we first plant and then too dry during the rest of the summer.
Right now the grass type weeds are growing like crazy and the garbonzo/chick peas are not.
Garbonzos are quite the delicacy with the hispanic community. They pull the bushes up whole and pick off the beans and eat them fresh. My farmer brother who lives across the machinery lot from me says he read somewhere that a farmer has figured out how to freeze dry the beans so they can be packaged and eaten later. I never remember to look this up anywhere, so I have no details.
Jose is always quite happy with the free acre and my planting services and tries to pay me. Of course I never accept. It is kind of fun to plant an acre of beans with my 15ft no-till drill. Not, that it has ever produced a crop... This year I went with 1" planting depth and 250,000 seeds per acre. It looked like about 8" spacing on 7.5" centers. I am not sure the monitor was working correctly and I'm not sure of the seeds per pound. Jose handed me a bag and asked it I could make it cover the whole field. I said "sure..." It looked to be about 25lbs.
He also brought my hired man and I enchilada's and a bottle of this-

You may deduce from the photo that I had more than a sip. This would not be the case as I just wanted to get the acre planted before dark and I know that Tequila is the devil's drink and that strong drink is evil and might cause me to want to watch internet pron and perhaps even view the asianporndvd website. Here is a handy prayer for you to use if you have problems with demon alcohol... I have printed a copy out for Chronic boy just to show him that I care and not to make fun of him in any way.
For further resources here are some links to help you with your porn addiction. Click here and here to find resources.
But, I digress... Public service always distracts me. It is such a responsibility to be a hero to American youth!
I did have two sips just to be polite and I do know that may lead me down the path of darkness, sin, and desolation, not to mention progressivism, I did not abstain. It was good! Very smooth and no bitter aftertaste. Soon I felt a warm happy glow and was tempted to sing mexican songs and do the chicken dance. I even forgot about the enchilada's that did not do so well during the ride to the farm. But, I stopped at the two sips. I have no idea where my employee stopped as I then wandered off with the drill, still feeling quite happy.
Later, when we were finishing up the silage, I stopped and talked with the dairy fellow who has been through rehab. I'm a bit worried about him. He skipped his meeting because he said he was a "happy drunk," he just liked the "warm buzz" feeling. He did not loose his farm or ruin his life, he just wanted to stop. I of course had no productive response as I am not adult enough to come up with words of wisdom for those who are suffering. I went for the cheap laugh and said, "well you better not say that in your speech at rehab, cause you will make everyone relapse..."
I was thinking more about the meth habit that really ruined him and not about the amount of beer he drank.
I see storm clouds on the horizon.
Of course I always see those....
Current problems:
1. CV joint on the Hesston 1340 failed... $1000?
2. It broke the pto stub shaft on the 2-135... $250
3. I won the argument with employee about whether or not the tedder gearbox took oil, but the victory doesn't mean much as the bearings are all out and I don't know how to take it apart.
4. The hay got rained on...
5. The A/C doesn't work in the stacker and the window doesn't open and it is going to be 90 degrees
6. The pump is not in the river
7. The combine is not ready and the A/C does not work on that either
8. The hay fields are still too wet to cut but we will cut anyway
9. G1000 Vista is dead
10. G706 is dead
11. G1355 is dead
12. PTO is out on the old M670
13. The M670 super nearly broke in half yesterday
14. The hay is too wet
15. The freeman 200 needs the pinion gears adjusted and doesn't run for crap
16. I'm hiding in the bathroom and I won't come out...
I wonder if the reason I'm constipated is that my arsehole is starting to pucker with age? Is this a family problem? Will playing banjo music help? Hmm, banjo music....


  1. Put da lime in da coconut and drink 'em bo togedder!

  2. Garbonzo's enchilada's and tequila probably would not go together. Oh, wait you are quoting a song... Not making a suggestion!


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