The Useful Duck!

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Saturday, December 3, 2016

A day at work and a link to a news story that you won't think is funny

That's not funny...
I have found the liberal sense of humor to be quite amusing, but not so much in the way it was intended.
I find the total lack of self awareness kind of a hoot. For example, I am quite aware that I am a balding middle aged guy who for some reason can't pronounce words properly and occasionally farts in public.
I listen to both kinds of music, Country AND Western, have a blog, have a terrible bias (due to my whiteness) and think I'm a lot smarter than I really am.
This is all common knowledge but here is the little secret that I understand and occasionally have to admit... I'm not always right!
Here is a funny story, as a disclaimer I will admit that folks often don't find the same things as funny as I do but that is because they are low-brow knuckle draggers.

CLICK HERE        (I think it is funny the guy went to the local Friends school as well. I attended a college founded by Quakers)

Yesterday was a rough day at work.
We had a hearing test, it was cold, it was Friday, my building parter is quitting smoking.
The hearing test truck was stuck in traffic so everything was delayed.
We entertained ourselves by exclaiming "What?" as a response to every question. Then giggling hysterically. 
I swear it never gets old.
Then the two hispanic friends, lets call them Hose 1 and Hose 2, (in reference to another hilarious (non)  story from work that I told you last summer,) took off for coffee. 
They go to the cafeteria for free coffee nearly every morning in the winter. 
You see, we can't make noise before 9:20 because it wakes the children. 
Exclaiming, "They are paying $45,000 a year for their education, they better get their lazy bottoms out of bed in the morning," was met with a long lecture which I kind of missed as I have a short attention span and I started thinking about feed grinders after the first 30 seconds.

But, I digress...

Hoses 1 & 2 went for coffee and left the rest of us White folk standing around pretending like we couldn't hear each other and laughing.
The Safety lady decided to give us our hearing lecture before the test rather than after the test and Hoses 1 & 2 were "discovered" to be riding together on a quest for free coffee and a nice chat with the ladies that run the cafeteria.
Our supervisor gave them the standard lecture about budget shortfalls and the department needing to look busy because they might decide to cut us. Hose 1 was very offended. Hose 2 said funny things in Spanish. I denied ratting them out and hinted that I implied that they were riding together for other reasons (using my limited Spanish) which would be protected under the college's diversity and safe space policies. This was met with much mirth. Or at least I hope so because I just blurted it out without really thinking about what I had said.
After the lecture we waited in the cold for our test. Those of us in the grounds crew annoyed the rest of the facilities workers by saying "What?" to every statement and then laughing. "Oh, it never gets old!"
The test was in a mobile van. There were little compartments with earphone and a clicker. You were to press the clicker when you heard a tone.
The guy running the test said that people often asked "what?" when they came for the test and it was not a funny as the first time he had heard it.
I made a comment about the booths looking like restroom stalls. I had several clever comments occur to me whilst waiting in the booth for the tones. 
Like exclaiming, "There is no paper left in my stall," or "Hey, this one won't flush." I don't remember which one I actually said. People did laugh which was my plan. I hate the sober silence in group meetings.
I got the best hearing by just clicking anyway whether I heard anything or not. Well, that's not completely true. I hear lots of things in my head, not all of them are hearing test tones.

I had to take an early lunch as I was called on the manage a crew of volunteers clearing Ivy and Black berries from the creek area. My morning was kind of broken up anyway and my building mate had the pole saw. While waiting for him to return I experimented on the ill fitting hard hat by dropping things from the second story loft in our building. 
The large rock just bounced off, the brick left a mark. He returned as I was contemplating dropping a ten pound bag of sand. He wanted to see the brick and rock drop again so we tried it all again. 
The bag of sand caused the hat to fly across the room and hit him in the shin.
So he dropped the old hydraulic cylinder off the loader on it. 
That actually punched a hole in the helmet.
This was so amusing that he offered to help me trim the branches away from the lights in the parking lot. He does an excellent job with the trimmer. He actually is a qualified groundskeeper.

And now I suppose I should got to work at my former real job. I hear my hard working brother out loading a truck of hay already this morning.


  1. Students still asleep at 9:00 in the morning? I had to be up and out the door by 8:00 to catch the school bus when I went to school. Again I am reminded how times have changed in the new century.

  2. You should tell your brother that the no noise before 9:29 policy applies to him as well.

  3. The guy running the test must have become jaded from too many years of asking "Can you hear me now?"

  4. 1/2 What?
    My favorite uncle always said to believe nothing you hear and only 1/2 of what you read. I thought "1/2 What?" was pretty funny but I'm exhausted, burned out and crabby. The hard hat test was enjoyable.

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