Amity is run by very clever people! Oh No! They logged the Amity City park!

I got a good chuckle out of our local paper this evening. The News Register is sort of a local joke anyway so I often get a grin out of it. It is pretty funny that it wins awards from time to time. The editor and publisher really think they put out a stellar product. But, if you ever know anything about the story they are covering you know that they got the story wrong, once again. No one really complains because what the paper prints is so irrelevant that there is no point to complain. Of course there is no competition. No one cares what happens in Amity. They sell no advertising in Amity. You won't see it written up in the Statesman Urinal
But, again I digress.
The Amity City council decided it was time to thin out the trees in the Amity City Park. This is pretty clever of them as the trees are the one feature that makes the Amity City Park interesting. There was a thick stand of Douglas Fir trees that must have all been planted at the same time. That is the feature of the park. Very tall, very old Douglas Fir trees. That and the last remaining good swing set in Yamhill county. That sucker must have been 30 feet tall. You could get incredible air with that swing set. So of course, last summer they took it down. This summer they are taking down the trees. They are doing this for a good reason. They have documents to prove that some of the trees are diseased and one did fall down during a major windstorm a couple years ago, and they need more parking so the tree have to go. (Of course they won't show the study to anyone.)
Right, they need more parking. Think about it. Who will go to a park with no trees and no swing set? Perhaps more skateboarders lured by the cement skate park and the occasional whiff of Chronic floating through the air-undiluted by the scent of fir boughs. Perhaps they can have the Amity Wine festival. This will fit well with the Amity Daffodil festival, the Amity ATV parade, and the Amity citywide garage sale. Those events really pull in the people.
Actually the one event that does bring in people is the Amity Pancake Feed. Of course there will be no trees to shade people in the July sun, BUT there will be more parking!
Of course no one figured out the trees were coming down till the tree fallers arrived, so there was much hoopla at the city council meeting. Who pays attention to Amity Council Meetings, unless they are going to raise the water rates! Of course they did not leave time for comments in their busy agenda, cause they already had a special meeting for comments, so when a 90 year old resident got up to speak they really told him off and made him sit down. Oh yeah! Way to be decisive Mr. Mayor. You put the rabble in the back seats where they belong. Someone has been to the Big Government Seminar on how to run a small town and get the people on your side!
Of course this is all the more funny because this is the Amity City council. What really important business does Amity have to discuss? Or rather, what did they screw up this time. This is the same city whose employees entered no invoices in the computer for a year because they were afraid of the Y2K crisis. (That would have not been so bad but they also didn't use a receipt book. No they just put the invoices in a shoe box...and stuffed the shoebox in a drawer! Y2K couldn't find it there!)
I'm fairly sure there are not real "bright lights" on the city council at this point either, as no one actually wants to run for Mayor or council member. Previous councils and city administrations have managed to get rid of all the old-timers who actually knew anything. So, now we have folks from the succeeding generations who know more than anyone else running things.
I am sure that Mr. H's ramble about trees in the park was pretty disruptive. Those feisty 90 year olds are notorious trouble-makers. His speech probable cut into time they had set aside to figure out how to get the words, "Wine country USA" along with a nice splotch of purple into the Amity City logo. Or perhaps how to use some stimulus money to beef up their famous speed trap. The famous speed trap which no one ever got around to sending in the tickets to the local court so no one actually had to pay the traffic fines.
Now the real story. Those tree are old. They are going to fall down someday. It is probably a good idea to cut them down before they start dropping on stoned skateboarders. Of course the people running the city of Amity are not smart enough to figure that out. No, they want to get rid of the trees because the park does not fit the city manager's idea of what a park should look like. Someone went to a seminar somewhere and came back with the idea that the park needed to be redone. So here they go...
And this is why I don't want the government to run healthcare. The country is run by morons, local, state, and federal morons. And of course they don't have a clue that they are morons. And they will probably arrest you if you try to explain that to them in a local council meeting-unless there is time allocated in the meeting adgenda for such a purpose...
I will leave you with the featured quote out of the article written by the total moron who writes for the News Register.
This is a quote from the one of the guys falling the trees:
"We don't want to mess anything up," he said.
Oh yeah! Put that in bold print and quotation marks. Way to make that fellow look like a genius Paul. I see another award in investigative journalism coming for you!
Sometimes I don't know if I shoud laugh for cry...