The Useful Duck!

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Monday, January 14, 2013

Happy Monday

I actually went to work early today. 
We are expecting our yearly shipment of baler twine. I don't really want to think about the cost. I think it is around $42 for a roll of 6000ft of 280 knot strength twine. The bale is 46" long and 15.5 inches thick and there are three twines per bale. Too complicated for me.
It turns out that the truck is not due until late afternoon which is when all my hay and feed customers are arriving in masse. 
Usually the truck arrives on Sunday night and we unload him Monday morning. So I just assumed... And I was out of propane for the forklift, of course.
It is 24 degrees outside which is pretty cold for Oregon.
Went and helped my niece get her fire going on Sunday. There were complications. Her father is in a lot of pain from back problems so I didn't want to bug him. Plus, he already was there once or twice that day due to a small fire in the chimney...
We could not get her house warm. They do have heaters in the bedrooms but it was barely 40 degrees in the living room.
Finally in frustration I pumped a few gallons of fuel oil into her oil tank. You should never let your oil stove run out of oil! This proved to be a waste of effort as I never did get it to prime and I had no air compressor and it was 24 degrees. 
At last the woodstove really got going and the chimney did not catch on fire again (the quick chimney sweep by her father must have done the trick) and the living room warmed to 50 degrees.
I worry the house is going to catch on fire.
It is a shame her almost-a-husband suddenly self destructed. I actually liked him quite well.
Which puts me onto the subject of drugs.
The most humanitarian thing you could possibly do would be not to use drugs. It would stop crime, save Mexico, and defund the CIA, which brings us to the issue of not using drugs is also the most patriotic thing you could do.
Possible slogans for a publicity campaign:
 "If you are going to get wasted, drink booze!"
"Don't be a Junkie be a Lush!"
"Stay Blitzed, It is better for the environment!"
"If want to be a criminal buy a 80 round drum magazine"
"MD 20/20 is better than crack!"

Perhaps it is not going to catch on... 

Or how about a campaign to increase illegal use of legal substances. The paint and glue industries need a boost in this bad economy. Why not huff instead of puff? Or sniff glue it is worse for you? 
I mean really, is huffin a can of gold krylon any worse for you than meth?

In other news. I just got a text from my sometimes-a-great employee. He needs today off for "personal reasons." Yeah, the one day I could use some help. I told him to take the rest of the week off, I'm going to Florida. He thinks this is a motivational speech and promised to be here every day for the rest of the week. 
yeah, I'll reschedule all the hay for tomorrow...
Have a nice day...


  1. Your campaign will just increase the amount of shooters in the bars. This will require new laws and the banning of any containers over one ounce.

  2. I think glue and paint sniffing , as well as gas, will cause brain damage. I did build a lot of plastic car and plane models when I was a kid and recall the overpowering aroma of Testors polystyrene glue. Maybe thats what I will blame my occasional memory lapses and poor decisions on...

    1. However it is only affects the target audience. If you sniff glue then it fries YOUR brain. I wonder if the mental health services to deal with fried brains cost more to the economy and personal freedoms than does the War to Increase Drug Use?

  3. ummmmm"shooters" oh well, a voice in the wilderness. I played with mercury and melted a lot of lead as a kid. I have always blamed my poor memory and poor decisions on the elements.


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