The Useful Duck!

Contribute to my Vacation, please...

Sunday, July 13, 2014

I hate Cycle Oregon

Hardcore bicyclists are complete arseholes. I awoke this morning to loud talking outside my window.
It is Sunday and while I'm not working as hard as I should be, I'm working hard enough to want to sleep in till 7:30 a.m. on Sunday.
Yes, it is time for Cycle Oregon. The two days when thousands of bicyclist wobble down the highway, talking loudly which freaks out everyone's dogs, taking up both lanes of narrow roads, making it impossible to get down the road with tractors. I can accept the blocking the road for one or two days as long as they wave at me. What really annoys me is the attitude that they own the road because they are not using an internal combustion engine...
There is a basic conflict between those of us in rural Oregon and those who live in the city. Here's the deal...
I have no urge to got to Sherwood, Beaverton, or housing developments in McMinnville and drive my tractor in front of people's houses and yell at their dogs. But...people who live in the city/suburbs dearly love to ride their bicycles past my house and yell at my dog.
I can see how it would be much more fun to ride past my house, but read your own bumper sticker, share the road.
AND, don't yell at my dog who is sitting in the lawn. This causes him to get up and come over to see what is going on. Stanley has a job to do. This job is to prevent your meth-head criminal kids from stealing our gas. He is supposed to bark at you.
If you don't want to get attacked by farm dogs don't yell at them, don't yell loudly back and forth between groups of fellow bicyclists, and carry a lot of dog biscuits.
My wife was sitting in the yard enjoying the cool weather and hanging out with Stanley and watching the bicyclists.
A bicycle lady screeched at Stanley.
Stanley got up and barked.
The hardcore male cyclist behind the lady told my wife to, "control your f......g dog."
I didn't hear it as I was finding my shoes to go out and yell at Stanley.
Pretty soon a race official came by in a pickup and stopped. Stanley went out to greet him. I went out to greet the race official but I did not know the cyclist had yelled an obscenity at my wife.
The race official was very nice and said Stanley was a nice dog and not a risk and thanked me for coming out. (In shorts and a tee shirt and my hair looking like a mad scientist or Harpo Marx.
The race official said to expect 2500 cyclists past our house.
I should go pick up a load of straw before church so my brother can irrigate corn.
I had a similar bicyclist experience on Muddy Valley road yesterday.
I was going to stack and met the whole pack on Muddy Valley road.
They were racing down hill and in my lane.
Several people were wobbling.
Does this look like a bicycle killer to you?
Of course, one of those hard-core cyclist guys, you know, one of the guys on the Mr. Garrison bicycles, gives me the signal to slow down. I'm not the one out of control, I'm not racing another stacker down hill, I'm not going to hit a pothole and fall over...
I'm going 30 mph.
Did I mention, I hate bicyclists?
Except for the nice regular folks who are not wearing spandex and look kind of tired and wave at you. Those people are fine. Don't mind sharing the road with nice people.


  1. me and Zander stood at the gate whilst a bunch of them yahoos rode by. they didnt try and scream at us and if they did i couldnt hear them anyway over Commander Zander "The FoeHammer"'s big boy bark. weirdos. however, i would totally love it if you drove thru someone's neighborhood on your tractor with mad scientist hair screaming at their dogs - but go early because that
    would be awesome.

  2. I've trapped four skunks by the barn this week. If I had been thinking a little more clearly this morning, I would have released them all, including last nights catch, out front on MV road. Lets see them yell at little stripy the guard skunk.

    1. I'm sure there would have been a race official to take care of the problem...

  3. There should be an open season on spandex bicyclistd - with no daily or season limit.

  4. These bicyclist are the epitome of the liberal enviro freaks. You're right they act like they own the friggin road and sometimes will purposefully try and pull out in front of you or block you from passing them. Around here they lobby for millions of dollars to get their own trails and even bridges but still are not satisfied and must take up the roads as well.

    I swear one of these days I am going to go and play jacks right in the middle of their F%$#ing bike trail that spans the entire state and I am gonna sharpen each jack on my grinder before I do it.

    1. Ok, so I saw Breaking Away some years ago and bought me a ten-speed. It was nice.
      It is the hard-core bicyclist freaks that really ruin it for everyone. I swear that everyone hates them.
      I don't mind the fellow riding to Ballston on his kid BMX bike cause he got a DUII
      or the family out for a ride or the occasional health freak. But, everybody looks alike in spandex and I'm kind of disliking anyone who is wearing the full gear.

  5. Most farm dogs won't bite, but don't tell them that, or it will hurt their feelings.

    I rode the Bicycle Ride Across Iowa, in 1980 and 1981, which tells my age. I had a little too much farmer's tan on my legs the first year, and after getting badly sunburned the first day switched to wearing sweat pants for most of the week. The second year I wore shorts. That was before the spandex craze fully kicked in.

    I do now wear biking shorts but have the type that you can wear under regular-looking shorts. The spandex look is not not universal.

    Four years ago, I did a two week bike trip in Belgium and the Netherlands. It was fun way to see the farming countryside, a New Holland dealership in Holland, as well as several old Flemish, Dutch, and Frisian cities.

    Even Europeans look down on the way American bicyclists dress. Recreational bicyclists over there don't wear spandex racing gear or helmets. We were told to dress down, although I've hit the payment twice too many times to bicycle without a helmet or gloves.

    I do occasionally bicycle on family visits to Portland, but so far I haven't gotten any farther than Scholls, My limit is about 30 miles, and Amity is 40, so you're dog is probably safe.

    I have seen Cycle Oregon, watched a bit of it go by with my brother one year out by Pendleton. I can assure you that we were out there for the rodeo and were both wearing cowboy hats.

    A couple of other stories from Pendleton. We walked through the livestock pens and the calves, steers, bulls, and broncs all seemed very docile. Still, I'm not volunteering.

    And we walked though the Native American campground. It seemed like every 4th tepee sported an American flag, like they might be proud to be American, or something.

    1. I talked to another person who did Bike Across Iowa and like it. She did not like Cycle Oregon as it was too competitive and had more obnoxious cyclists.
      It you would cycle to Amity you could have lunch at the Blue Goat. It is only another ten miles or so.
      I've always wanted to go to the Roundup. Also, Native Americans seem to be quite patriotic here as well.

  6. Saw a lady on a recumbent blow through a four way stop and force a brake test by a full size Chevy Express van that had stopped and was making a slow left turn. I've heard Acme makes a good anvil, but Wile E. reports application can be a bit dodgy.

    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    2. There is always the piano as a backup plan.

  7. My major gripe: They refuse to pull over on blind curves and force you to either follow them at 5mph for miles, or pass unsafely and illegally across the double line.

  8. i hate them. they are selfish bastards. won't pull over at rush hour or when there is plenty of room. don't care if they hold up a thousand vehicles. just selfish!

  9. I am trying to figure out where my insightful and boring-for-the-most-part comments go.

    1. Probably the same place my replies go... Some where there is a spot with all my lost 9/16 sockets and screwdrivers and lost comments to blog posts...


Please leave a comment even if you are bored or don't agree with me...

Please leave comments! It is really easy!

You just type your comment in the text box below the post. You can be anyone you want.
And...Would the joker who keeps clicking "offensive" please leave an explanation ?!