The Useful Duck!

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Sunday, June 26, 2016

My week

I have a new assistant. She is a history major. She likes to discuss the War of Northern aggression.
She can argue about theology, (can actually quote scripture), politics, guns, philosophy, and she is learning to back a trailer.
It is amazing to encounter a young college student who is interested about everything.
Sometimes she gets a little carried away with her driving.
It could be that I am a bad example...
She did get a little close to the beaver pond. I was actually impressed at how far she got off the trail with the Gator.
In other news...
I left the Ford Ranger in the middle of 350 acres. Someone stole the wheels off of it. We have let some young people go fishing at our farm. A friend of a friend is a tweeker.

I called the Sheriff. There is really nothing you can do about it. No serial numbers on aluminum rims and half worn out tires.
Speaking of half worn out tires... What sort of a moron steals worn out tires and aluminum Ford Ranger rims? You risk getting shot and go to all the work of exchanging wheels at 4 a.m. over something you could get for next to nothing from your local scrapper?
We got the license number of the vehicle leaving our farm. Just thought it was one of the kids fishing.

On the other hand...
My faith in humanity was restored yesterday.
I was moving the Tedder down highway 99W and my hat blew off. I of course slammed on the brakes because I didn't want to lose my hat. My bald spot would burn.
A passenger in one of the cars that I backed up, (a long line) jumped out, grabbed my hat, and brought it to me.
I said, "thank you very much."

My nephew from Portland came to visit. He got to experience farming. I sprayed molassas on the rained on hay. He helped. I rigged up a sprayer on the bumper of my pickup and we followed the windrows around the field.
I suspect he thinks farming is boring and full of strange misadventures.
He seems to be somewhat saddened by the violation of my Ranger. I suspect he respects my ability to not get stuck with bald tires.

Thursday, June 16, 2016

I have an 80 percent higher risk

Of dying from prostate cancer because I eat two eggs a day.
MuddyValley harshed my mellow yesterday by telling me eggs increased my risk of prostate cancer.
I was going to suggest that it depended on which end you inserted the eggs but desisted.
One of the work study students asked me yesterday if carrying that heavy load ever got me down, that heavy load I carry because I'm so full of shit.
I had it coming. She had been gushing about the magic of water. This brought on several comments from other students groundskeepers.
Like, you got the wrong plate of brownies sister, and then someone brought up fluoride and someone else pointed out that fluoride makes you gay and much hilarity followed.
But I digress...
Popular nutritional research that increase your risk of colon and/or prostate cancer.
I found one person that disagrees.

Sunday, June 12, 2016

I try out the hot tub and drink coconut oil to improve my brain functions!

I woke with a start this morning. It was a bit of a panic. I was alone in bed and the sun wa streaming through the window.
Chickens were clucking the rooster was crowing. 
I looked at my trusty fitbit which I've been using to quantify my lack of sleep, and it read 9:45 AM.
I quickly texted my daughter, not really wanting to get out of bed, to see if she thought she could get ready for church in one half hour.
She did not answer.
So I drug my aged carcass across the living room down the hall into her bedroom. She was asleep.
We quickly reached a consensus. Not a chance.
So went looking for the lovely and gracious mrs. Shepherd. She was wrapped in a fuzzy blanket on the couch.
I remembered the old adage, it is best to let sleeping dogs and wives lie and so I retired to the bedroom with a not quite steaming cup of coffee, (evidence that she was up early) to attempt to find out if I have enough money to make my Baler payment and purchase twine. After three hours of trying to get quickBooks Pro 2012 to work with my iBook, I gave up and got out of bed. QuickBooks no longer works on my iBook. I need these stupid upgrades that bloat your computer and make it unusable.
I stuck with Apple for years but unfortunately it is now worse than a PC.
Frustrated beyond belief, I mixed up a healthy dose of coconut oil and brown sugar in my coffee, found a piece of Odd Moe's pizza in the refrigerator and retired to the hot tub, pizza in hand.
and attempted to blog using text to speech. 
Apple products are overrated.
My daughter came out and told me to quit talking so loud.
I think she was a bit put off by the possibility of a naked father eating pizza in the hot tub. 
I was not naked.
Note: I checked the sleep catigory on the Fitbit and I got ten hours of sleep. This is up from my weekly average of six and because of that I got a smiley face. That really motivates me to sleep more. I like smiley faces!!!

Note: it is really quite peaceful here. I can hear the bells from the distant monestary which seem quite cheerful. No doubt soon to be replaced by the caterwauling of an Imam if the ruling elite get their way...

Sunday, June 5, 2016

Triple digit heat and a threat of rain (in my mind only)

I think it is going to rain.
I'm not especially well prepared for rain.
Most people don't think it will rain.
Here are my reasons:
Flocked sky two days ago. The Flocked Sky appeared while there were showers but it is always a good indicator of future rain. The sky looks "funny" in the evenings. "Funny Sky" is an official meteorological term which means i don't know what is going on but it looks like rain.
The Portland Rose festival is coming up and always rains during the Rose Festival.
In past weather patterns, overly hot weather in the spring is followed by rain.
And finally, we have hay down and I have promised to stack bales for other people and I don't have time to do it.
No one else thinks it will rain. People are cutting hay like there is no tomorrow...

Lulu helped me yesterday. I even fixed her air conditioning. She wore out fairly quickly however.
I had to load a truck of straw.
It was not a good day.
The truck arrived late.
It was supposed to get to the barn around 10 a.m.
The truck driver called me at 1 p.m. and said he was an hour away. I was getting the rake going. Then I decided to eat my lunch and right a the moment I got my leftover Uncle Jack's BBQ ribs on my plate the farmer called and said my truck was at his barn.
I ate my lunch anyway.

The blocks of straw would not say together. The squeeze clamps at the bottom of the stack. The bales squished so much that I had to add extra bales so that the squeeze could clamp tight. I didn't figure this out right away...

The truck driver looked as if he was going to have heat stroke. However he still wanted to talk. I couldn't hear him anyway. He talks softly.
I got it loaded by 7 p.m., the Trucker was not amused.
Oh well... life is full of pain and suffering.
I returned home and the hydraulic clutch was not working on the stacker. It took me a while to bleed the air out of the line as the bleeder screw was plugged.
I stacked until 11 p.m., should have gone longer.
Neighbor called at 8 a.m. to see if I could stack for him. I don't think he wants to do it after Church as he will have to run his loader tractor in 102 degree heat. I hope my a/c holds out.
I want to go kayaking with my daughter...

In other news...
My new work-study student wants to know why people are voting for Trump. It was an interesting discussion as I don't like Trump either.

This is why people are voting for Trump, everyone is fed up with the people who are protesting Trump. Click on my links and tell me how you feel about the opposition! (Note: it is the Daily Mail)
Headline says Black Muslim but he looks a little pink to me...

Senior prank turned political by activists

Saturday, May 28, 2016

For those who find me remiss in my blogging schedule

I'm just kind of tired. I think I'm getting old.
My wife got me a FitBit. It says I walk about ten miles per day. Something like 20,000 steps.
I don't see how this is accurate.
I should be at work. I think we are chopping silage today.
No one was around the farm after work yesterday.
My wife's car seems to be failing.
It misses when you start it cold.
The antifreeze disappears but there is no discernible leak. After cranking there is pressure in the radiator.
But there is no white steam when I get it started. Instead it smells like raw gas.
It could be a head gasket, but that would mean white smoke.
An injector could be stuck open which would flood the cylinder with gas.
The oil smells like oil. No milky flavor, no gasoline smell. So, nothing past the rings.
It would not start yesterday.
After work I pulled the plugs. Number one spark plug was black with unburned fuel.
The rest were clean and wet.
I cranked and check for spark. All have spark.
Columns of gasoline vapor blew into the air.
I put the plugs back in and it started instantly and now the check engine light is off.
I put Dike Radiator sealer in and drove the car for a half hour.
I'm going to check it this morning.

At work I broke the mower twice. This is a record. People are making fun of me. The supervisor says I need to walk my lawns before mowing. I showed him the chunk of metal and pile of crap I found that didn't go through the mower. He was impressed that I didn't run over that stuff but I think it reinforced his conviction that I need to walk my lawns. Whatever...

At home I broke the disk mower. This was to the tune of $2500 plus.

Perhaps I am just a serial mower destroyer...

In other news, I again succumbed to the temptation to argue with morons on my real Facebook page. Progressives are such utter hate-filled idiots who then accuse you of hate when you argue with them and say all these absolutely horrible things. It is kind of funny. They do not understand irony.
But I get tired of being held to an impossible high misinterpretation of my moral code and then be told that since they don't have a moral code that I can't criticize their imaginary values.
It is only my remaining christian beliefs that keeps me from restoring to violence. They have no self awareness whatsoever.

I now work a the mothership of all stupidity and it wears thin.

I so want to comment on Facebook but I can't. It causes disharmony...

I keep thinking of this joke about a guy in a restroom and the punchline is, "21 years old and you still believe in Leprechauns." but it is an an off color joke and it would not be polite to post in on my blog.

And now I have to go to work...

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

I kind of hate Walker mowers

I have been attempting to mow today. There has been a heavy dew. My Walker mower plugs continuously.

The problem is in the deck design. The blades throw the grass towards the opposite blade and the impeller has to suck the material up a foot long chute. 
There are baffles and guides in the deck which are designed to guide the material but they are not self cleaning.

Wet grass builds up all around the blades and soon it plugs. Going slow of course is essential but I don't see the point in owning a mower you have to clean out every dump if you have shade or dew.
It works fine in dry grass or if you are sucking up dead leaves along the side of the road. Works ok to suck junk out of flowerbeds also.

The second problem is that it is useless in mud or slick grass. The center of gravity is too far back and it puts all the weight on the single caster wheel in the back.
You can't climb hills or mow side hills unless you go in reverse.
And the seat is a brick.
I've found it to be faster to use our Kobota mower to mow everything I can do with a big mower, let it sit a day to dry, and then redo where I need to remove cut grass.
Now I'm going to go swear at it some more.

Monday, May 16, 2016

My week in review and no rant to cap it off but I explain alternating current

No rant as I'm going to church with all the other horrible Christians who are probably thinking of oppressing someone tight now...

Last weekend we decided to cut hay and so we pulled the baler out of the shed. I have no photos of the hay. It was mostly nice hay.
Note, the baler is worth more than the IH 656 Hydro. The hydro is worn out and has no power but it will pull the baler. It is the only tractor we have that will go slow enough for a double windrow of good hay.

I sniped and won an auction. It was unexpected. I bought another pair of Tandberg Fasett speakers. These are white. The auction description said they had an annoying buzz and were to be considered for parts. The Fasett's I got from Muddy Valley have been through a fire and the plastic housing is somewhat melted. I did apply heat and persuasion and got them back together but I thought I would combine the two pairs and have one good pair.

When the speakers arrived I quickly spotted the problem. There was a knot on one wire on each speaker. Everyone knows electricity gets confused when there is a knot in the cord. In this case one knot in one wire of a two wire cord would of course change direct current into alternating current as the electrons would become disorientated going through the knot and would wander around aimlessly. This is the definition of alternating current (in layman's terms).
After removing the knot I connected the speakers and there was no buzz. Another eBay success story! Here is a photo of my wall of not-very-good-sound.

Here is a photo of garbage from the flowerbeds. I hope there is no connection between the wreath of flowers and the morning after pill...

Here is a pile of wood chips that we shoveled by hand. They had to be moved 100ft. No one has ever heard of a tractor loader at work... It all pays the same. Whatever....

Here is a photo of the hayfield after the rain. Had five acres to go but the grass did not cure. It is wet now. We do have a semi-truck load of beautiful hay. Some of it is a little warm but it will cool down and be awesome hay.

Here is a really offensive meme that showed up in my Facebook feed. Perhaps it caught me at a bad time. I commented.

It was suggested by several family members that I no longer comment on Facebook as I seem to be overly negative. This stems from telling someone to stop smoking dope and get a job. I would like to congratulate him after he followed my advice and got two jobs and share the fact that my back also hurts like heck most of the time as well and has hurt like heck for the past decade but I suppose I better leave it alone.
And now I'm going to church and will probably be judge mental cause that's what us Christians do.